This Year

So this is it?
This year has come and went
Now we stand in reflection of how our 2015 year was spent or not
So we can say we lived it well while others cannot
Do we make resolutions for next year?
Do we fit in with the rest or not?
That's a question for sure
Somehow this year was lost to me, with remnants of 2014 still bleeding through it
And I barely making it through it
But 2016 is another time to see
To see if I'll continue on with the same me or be a new me
I don't know if I believe in the "New Year, New Me" thing, I don't think I do
But I believe in goal setting for everyday, to pray my way through
To inspire some, gain a friend or two, and more than just survive and make it through
I want to live, love, and live some more 
I've missed out on this year and won't get a second chance
So I'll be looking forward instead of looking back

        Had to get one more poem in before the end of the year.
        Anyway, it's the last day's of the year and like I said  reflection time is here. For many people they will see this year as great, awesome while others will reflect on losing and missing out. So for those people who missed out what do we do? Do we dwell in that mindset? Do we let the past ill effect our future or what? I'll admit that for me living in the past is comfortable and coming outside of that is scary, and it feels kind of sketchy. But that's a part of it I guess? Just like the people who are sucky people in this world they play their part by making the good people fight for what's right and true, the protagonist, antagonist thing. 
        The typical resolutions usually start to fail around June, that's six months deep and we've been beat down enough to fully abandon our goals and return to our comfort zone. So family makes us, jobs make us, the guy who cut me off in traffic made me back track, no, no, no. YOU! YOU! MADE YOU DO THAT! ME, ME ME! We look for justification in all of our situations, it's just human nature to justify our irrational actions with whatever makes us feel good, but it shouldn't. We have to take responsibility for ourselves, whether that be mentally or physically. Like the effect of a positive mind can combat bitterness and depression, but too often we sink to the level of how we feel in that moment rather than the overall outcome of our actions during that moment. It's the aftereffect. After we cool down and are able to "get out of our feelings" we see things in a rational manner and are embarrassed by how we acted initially, but human nature is like that, fickle. When we resolve to change and set goals we want to shoot for the stars instead of just starting small. 
        So start small. If we want to be more positive we have to actively self talk ourselves out of our negative thoughts and into the positive ones. It's hard, I'm pessimistic, sarcastic and cynical so I know how hard it is see things realistically and as horrible as they are and still have a positive outlook. But when all things that we can see fail us we still have ourselves. So if myself has a negative mindset when all else around me fails I'm still left with negativity, which sucks. So as this year goes out and next year enters in mindfulness will be my goal, and I hope you choose a goal as well and have a blessed new year.

RIP Christmas

Yes Christmas is dead. 

It's sad but true because the true meaning of it is gone.

Most people are currently rushing around stressed trying to find gifts for people that they barely care about, visit or love during the entire year but so they are not singled out by society as being a "Scrooge" they force themselves to conform to what they're told is right. I used to be one of them, stressing myself out, agonizing over not having the money to get the best for my loved ones or risking leaving someone out, even purchasing coworkers whose characters I do not care for gifts, but now I don't. I finished my Christmas shopping before the end of November and my list was very short not because most of my family members who would have received a gift are deceased(have to throw in my morbid humor lol) but because I was organized and honest with my list and my gifts. Working in retail has allowed me to be on the front line of crazed shoppers who are stressed, depressed, and zombies(shout out to the customer who said he had walked the mall for four hours, come into my store twice and given up on finding his girlfriend anything else other than a Nike shirt because now he feels "numb and zombie like."). Let's take yesterday and my first customer who was angry because I couldn't help her find a coupon and said she was going to call and complain on me for it(shout out to you preggers, I deemed this one of your moments of emotional rushes because even your husband left you in the store tired of you bickering at him to go and find peace from your annoying self  look in another store). While she was upset over a coupon one of my final customers was not concerned with Christmas gifts, you know why? BECAUSE HER MOTHER WAS DYING IN A HOSPITAL AND SHE AND HER FAMILY KNEW THIS WAS HER FINAL CHRISTMAS! Yes something to worry about, a truth, people and the quality of time with which we spend with them builds memories and those memories can't be lost, burned or stolen. So I hope the stuff that can be lost, burned or stolen is enough. I'll take being home with my family with no tree no gifts no nothing but watching Charlie Brown's Christmas on TV with them and building those memories over anything.