PSA: You Matter

Matter
Science has it's definition
Well I have mine
Matter is personal, 
an to each it's own
Matter is a feel
a voice that is loud or silent
I myself struggle with matter, if I matter, you matter, she, he matter

A lady in my gym class whose going through a health struggle that has knocked her down a lot came to me and said "I love to see you in class because you dance around and it makes me feel like I'm not the only one looking weird when I dance." Another lady said that she missed me last week because I usually keep her on track with the moves. It surprised me because I go to the gym for my own love of it, but I guess I really do enjoy the like minded people as well and the advice that I receive from the people who most of the time all I know if there first name. I guess I just never thought that I matter a little bit which has caused me to take a serious look at my life and what matters to me. I've been caught up in existing, surviving rather than living because nothing seems to matter, but in all actuality is truly does. There's a reason that we wake up each morning and are allowed to live while other's pass on. It's because God knows we matter, it's the fault of us as people that causes that view of matter to become less, more, or nonexistent. 

Matter
God believes you do
And someone else does too.

If You're Going To Lie

Recently folks have been lying to me a lot. People at my job, family, etc. Why you gotta lie Craig? Lol

I'm the type of person who can take the truth, no matter how ugly, painful, and life destroying it may be, please just tell me. Yesterday I'll be honest I was about 2 seconds from going and confronting a person but I'm not trying to go jail, trying to stay saved lol. But I'm struggling with watching the liars, deceiving, crooked individuals rise to the top. Now from the spiritual stand point these same people are not truly getting by, but I'm a bit perturbed about lying people getting by and I'm supposed to sit by and not say a thing. But I'll guess I'll just staying siting by and let the Lord have his way for now. 

All My Friends Are Gone.

Shout out to the two friends I'm talking about in the pic up above, only you'll understand the pics.

You spend your life building relationships, personal ones, romantic ones, business ones an etc. But I'll be talking about friendship. Along the way you pick up and hold onto, the few, the chosen, the ride or die friends who have your back. I have two for sure and a couple others and it's funny how our friendship, sisterhood started. For one our friendship started because our best friends at the time didn't want to be friends with us so we started hanging out. For my other friend it was more like we met up and it just happened. But there are two who have had my back for nearly a decade now and have never let me down. The two beautiful women I speak of have invited me into there families and there lives. They're the ones that even when we fight(And we have gone at it before) we can move on without loss of respect. I'm thankful for my j2's because although they may live across the country or state and I may only see them once or twice a year I still feel the same around them. I'm sure you can understand the feeling you have around your besties, right? It's like you pick up right where you left off even though it's been years, there is no fear of saying the wrong thing,oh and you don't have to worry about being used(that blogs coming for all the people who have become a person of means and convience for others instead of an actual friend). So lately I've found myself in a predicament, ALL MY FRIENDS ARE GONNNNNE, THEY'RE ALL GONNNNNNNE! (Faints on fainting couch) WHY!

Okay I'm good(Smooths hair adjust clothes and takes a deep breath)

It's just frustrating when you would love to go chill with your friends and you realize oh yeah they're all gone. So here's what I have to do and it's annoying to me but (pause for effect) I have to make- - makenewfriends. There I said it. I know meeting new people is fun and cool and you never know who you'll click with but it's a lot of work investing in people. This is going to sound really negative but it's proved true for me. 

(Pause for effect)

People suck. Naw I'm playing not all people suck just most, sorry not most but the majority, dang it I'm sorry again. 

Let me start over. 

People suck sometimes and I guess I take some of the blame for allowing people to use our one sided relationship for there good. But hey an experience is an experience no matter how good or bad and I'm learning from them. On the flip side if I never give people a chance I'll be missing out. 

The good side of having all my friends living elsewhere is I GET TO VISIT! 

On a final note I'm thankful for the friends I have but it's just something about your ride or die friends. There's very few people in my inner circle. There's a difference between being the friend with the bail money versus being the friend sitting beside me in the cell. Where will you take a seat? 

Love you all. Share this with your besties.

Response Blog

This is a response blog to Learning how to play the “GAME” Posted by Sum Of Her Parts

When I read her blog I quickly realized that I was a pawn piece on other peoples chessboards and my own chessboard was on back order. Yup that's what happens when you order offline. Lol

Now for an English lesson. 

pawn

\ˈpȯn, ˈpän\

noun

• 1 : one of the chessmen of least valuehaving the power to move onlyforward ordinarily one square at atime, to capture only diagonallyforward, and to be promoted to anypiece except a king upon reaching the eighth rank
• 2 : one that can be used to further the purposes of another

Origin: Middle English pown, fromAnglo-French peoun, paun, fromMedieval Latin pedon-, pedo footsoldier, from Latin ped-, pes foot —more at foot.

First use: 14th century

Synonyms: hock, pledge

Okay back to what I was saying, I underlined the definition I fell underneath on a regular basis. For a while I was oblivious to the fact that I was merely a pawn transitioning to other pieces believing that eventually I would be something more like a queen or a bishop but nope I was only a pawn. I didn't really understand that I had to acquire my own board and pieces and start my own game until recently, but I have retired all my pawns into an old shoe box and lit it on fire. Life truly is like playing chess and each one if us is striving to capture that something. Whether it's something worldly such as money or spiritually like gaining a closer walk with God, we're all on this board but some of us are placed in positions with only one choice that does not allow for flexibility. When I reference myself as being a pawn on many peoples board I'm assuming all responsibility for playing that piece. I went along with continuously being misused, lied on, ignored, demeaned and all that. But now? Now it's a different season, a new board with its new newness scent, smelling all good lol. I know I'm not the only one whose been a pawn, but I know that in chess there's more than one round. So I'll see you at the next meet. 

Uh uh

You know the more I live the more I realize I truly have five people who I've allowed to know me. One of those people is God of course, the other two are siblings and the other two are my best friends. I've realized I'm truly the most guarded I've ever been and I think I'm going to be alright with that because the people I'm guarded against have lost there chance of ever being number six, they just don't know it yet which is sad. I admittedly have a lot of sorry people as "friends" who only need or want me when it's convient for them. So to those "friends" good luck with your marriages, kids, jobs, life because when you text me-  - oh wait, I meant when I text you because you're too busy(I work almost 100hrs  a week, and I don't have a life or anything) with life(smirks) I'll still give you the time of day, but don't pry, don't try to see how I've been, don't try to fake the concern because your actions will never match your text emoji. Yup (places hands behind head props feet on desk) I'm sentencing you to the associate/surface friendship zone enjoy swimming in it. 

But you know I'm not even mad (laughs)

I'm not talking about my j2's or siblings or God.(Like TI from ATL) Be clear