All This

All this for one night only?

I don't know if I'm down for investing hundreds of dollars into a Jordan jersey just so I can be Miley Cyrus for Halloween. Nor am I spending thirty dollars on boxing gloves so I can basically play pretend for a night. For those people that are hardcore celebrators of Halloween, DO THAT! Go all out. But for the last minute bandwagon folks, STOP. JUST STOP!

Why stress yourself out over a costume that you'll try to piece together and fail miserably at?

Just be you. 

Many people are pretending to be somebody that they're not on a regular basis. So why change now?

I just boggles my mind that some people are leaving bills unpaid and overdue to shop for the right Minion yellow socks for their Minion costume, so a day after you can try those socks for a refund. 

BUT OH NO!

You paid credit so you're bank will hold your money for a bit. But somehow your lack of adulting(yep made it up) will be my fault and you'll address me with irritability and obscenities. I'll in turn embrace your attitude with faked concern and wait for you to calm down, finish or leave. Your final words of course will be something to the effect of "I'm never coming back", and you'll view that as a threat while I'll accept it, almost jumping forth to extend my pinky to get you to promise. 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN !!!!!!!

Giving Thanks In All Places

Do you ever think about the opportunities that you did and didn't have?

The paths that others had versus yours?

        I like to believe that it's human nature to compare ourselves to one another, but lately I've been thinking about how if I had been given a different set of opportunities would I be further than I am? Better, smarter? Would I be as resilient, strong(minded/willed) as capable? It's just a question that I've been bouncing around in my head some? I guess I times I feel that a lot of involuntary situations ill affected my life, caused me to safely play the game of chess, be the pawn (Shouts out to sumofherparts blog) instead of having my own board? Caused me to be submissive instead of assertive and created a false masks that I've been upholding for years. It's easy to say that if my parents had more of this, and did this and blah blah blah, but I really do wonder how my life would have turned out if I hadn't of had to grow up so quickly experiencing loss so early in my childhood.
        I understand experiences are good and bad, either way we're supposed to learn from them, I get it, I know and understand it but my mind still wonders, wanders. Everyone's had there experiences with life, everyone's had there trauma's that's what makes us different, but I have to stand on my box and say not many can walk this walk that I do and still stand. I'm no conceded by any means but I know others would have lost there minds and completely shut down given my situation. Now yes, I've had my moments of collapse, literally and emotional, but saying that "Oh you're just going through a hard time, it will get better, pray on it" is not as comforting, and is more insulting to me than most would know. I say I perceive it as an insult for multiple reasons, one the source where those words come from, the lack of sincerity maybe, half the people that say those kind of things are usually as deep as a kiddie pool in the desert. To say I'm angered toward my life experiences is honest, and some may say but. . . . . . and ramble off all the good things, that's good for your optimist mind, but to the world I'm a pessimist, not a realist as I like to say, and my world is a different place than what the movies depict. It's a world where stability, trust, honesty and love are a figment of imagination. It's a world where if you're not careful realization will come and smack you around a couple times leaving you bruised and beaten and lost, crawling on your hands and knees, completely turned around and wondering if I could have changed that one period, stopped right and made the choice marked with a question mark then would where I am now be different?
        As for me I don't know, but I feel like that answer is leaning toward a yes. I don't fault anyone or anything I just understand and am thankful for the life I'm dealt, I'm thankful anyhow I just wonder what the other side of my life looks like.

See Ya, God Bless

Have The Cake, Enjoy It

If I cry, yell and scream I should get my way, also I'm going to assume you have the mental make up of a 2 year old, unable to control your feelings or take the chastisement that you earned because you screwed up and refuse to take responsibility for it. But looking at you I clearly see you're an adult, with a bachelors degree so I'm ruling out the 2 year old make up thing. 

Slow clap for the people who follow the traits first stated that if I cry, yell and scream I should get my way, wrong or right, whoever is more visibly upset wins. That's the way it's looking nowadays. Or if I can justify my wrong it should be forgotten and forgiven(cough, cough) Rachel Dolezal(cough, cough). What does this anything goes mentality mean? To me it means chaos, it means that rules are pointless, and anarchy is bound to happen eventually. But it won't be the people who cry, yell and scream who are the anarchist, it will be the unsuspecting law abiding citizens that after continuous unfairness and being walked over take what's rightfully there's. So to all of those that use the crying, yelling, pouting, screaming tactics to get out of doing what is right, enjoy it now. Enjoy your freedom, enjoy the false rise to the top, but keep in mind the fall to the bottom is long, arduous and lonely. And to all the people who do what's right, the ones who fight their moral compass wanting do the same bad that others have done unto you but you have the "do right by others" bred into your DNA keep going, it will turn around. 

PSA: Thanks, You Just Stripped What Glimmer Of Hope I Had For Humanity Away, Almost

Public Sarcastic Announcement

Thank you customers, guest, and always right patrons👍 for confirming my suspicion of how humanity has been murdered after being kidnapped and held in solitary confinement. Thank you for prettying up you pettiness and letting it speak for you in its most regal of pajama pants and dirty old house shoes that all get to see as you waddle up to the counter because you have a complaint. Thank you marjuana shirted law abiding citizens for testing my knowledge on price checking so you can finally decide that the $1 you have isn't enough to make a purchase, thank you. Oh and can't forget you future customers, the lil ones who love being independent and going to the bathroom all by themselves only to crawl underneath the locked stall leaving it locked from the inside or splash water all over the mirror and the floors resulting in an elderly woman slipping. Oh yes the hours of incident reports are all from you and the pending lawsuit from her broken hip are owed to you too. Thank you the ever frequenting people who adore using there linguistic capabilities, specifically language enhancers that if written down would require uses of @$* and such, you definitely will get the best service from any establishment you go too as long as you can watch your food being made, otherwise your want of personal service may become very personal including the grill cooks DNA. And lastly thank you coworkers who are the best of the best, ever so skillful knife throwers who have targeted me on more than one occasion, thank you. 

(Removes knife from back and walks off)

   

(Returns takes a breath)

However I feel as if I'm forgetting some people, the regulars, not the I'm picky let me get a cheeseburger with no cheese but it's still a cheese burger regulars, I'm talking about the ones I know by just there voice, the ones who know the struggle of our work and are never a problem. These true blues are the real heroes of my day, they know what they want and when they ask you how your day is going they actually make eye contact with you and wait for an answer. They're the ones we call by name and want work extra hard for. The regulars who handle our difficult guest by saying to them what we can't(Shout out to Ms. Regina and Ms. Linda/they handle my light work lol)The ones that if we don't see you for a while we worry and have genuine adoration for. It's because of you regulars that I still have a glimmer of hope for humanity, and for that I honestly thank you.

Oh No That Item Has Been Discontinued

I don't know if anyone does a spending tracker on things like caring, patience, or things like that but I do. It's the end of the month so I've drained my care fund down to nothing and I'm thinking of taking the funds with which I would spend on patience and buying a new Coach bag because it's a better investment than people. Living the life we live is great for most, you build relationships with people, friendships but sometimes you grow apart. We all have different experiences and some are blessed with more good experiences, while others suffer and endure worse. That's what makes us who we are, but then we have the issue with who we believe ourselves to be, versus who we truly are, versus what we show to people, and then we round it out with people's perception of the person we show to them. I'll use work as an example, unless you're your own boss you can't possibly be yourself at work, if that was the case I would be quiet and work on my knitting, exercise, read and write all day, and watch Netflix but I can't do that because I can't be myself in my work environment. Think about it, how many people know the true you other than God? Now how many people know only what you want them to know, and how many people know you based on the person you've had to become to survive? It's great to be free and live life but if only it were truly as easy as it sounds. And maybe for some it is that easy, but for the other percent that wake up each morning surviving and not living I commend you. I used to live a life where I lived to pacify others, I actually enjoyed people, but us---- human beings are such horrid creatures more than they are pleasant ones. It's an ugly truth that I think we all hide, even your generous and cheerful of people have an unpleasantness. I don't know when we as a society changed to being so lazy, stupid, and hateful? It makes me not trust anyone because from what I've seen everyone has a hidden agenda or use you to get to the top themselves, more concerned with there own personal pleasures and joys than the persons with which they suck dry and use to build there own power. No one wants to hear the negativity, or be labeled a pessimist but we don't live in the times of positivity anymore. And maybe the fact that we faked that positivity and sweep negativity, and truth under the rug so much has caused the destructive society we have today Just look at the news, any act of kindness now is spotlighted in the media like its so great, how about taking it as something you should do since you should be a good person to all people, but oh yeah we don't live in that world anymore, my bad. Now I'll admit that I'm a bit jealous of most peoples lives because they seem to have had a lot more freedom than I have had. I'll take the blame that I structure my life because I know my life and how it works (I wrote a blog about it) and it's left little room for pleasures or joys living in that box, but it's kept me pretty level considering. I watch people walk around aimlessly, stupid, unaware taking more time to decide on what they want to eat than they do about more serious matters such as where the better schools are for they children so they can receive the best education. I read an article about the psychology people who hate people, it's called misanthropy

Commercial  break

Misanthropy the general hatred, distrust, or disdain, of the human species or human nature.

End of commercial break

The article explained a lot about people who hate people, it's not so much of they hate people but it's deeper than that. CHECK OUT THE ARTICLE!!! It's a bit more personally based than a generalization. As I've said before I used to like people but that view has changed tremendously for me, because I have such a high standard for the people I surround myself with that only the elite survive. I also have to add my short or lack there of level of tolerance for people, I'll admit I've spent the money I would have bought more tolerance with on MMA fighting gloves but that's besides the point. What I'm saying is the items that more people are wanting from me lately have been discontinued, it's the special brand that I used to use and now I can't find it anywhere, so please read the caution before discussing stupid stuff with me, because you will either receive a vague response, a thumbs up emoji, silence and a side eye.

That is all, lol.

#LITR

        You know sometimes how you get in a mood? Like you feel extra happy or mopey or just blah? Well I would like to call my mood the LITR (life is too real) mood. It's when you realize that your personal life is somehow reached a pinnacle of realness that you never would have thought it would be. Some King of the world, Titanic type stuff, which makes it hard to share how I'm doing with people when they ask. If people knew how the simple phrase of "How are you?" affects me they wouldn't ask it. My response is usually a quick stern "Fine" or "Doing alright, I can't complain" but before those words leave my mouth or get typed out by my fingers in a text message there's a strain, an extra pain that I experience because I feel the pressure to be my usually brutally honest self, but I would be risking a lot. What would I be risking? Usually it's a choice between pissing off the person I'm talking too by wanting to say "Why would you ask me that, when you don't even care, and you're just being nosy to use my response for gossip?" or it's "I wish I could tell you the truth, but I don't trust you completely yet" or "You have a great life, I don't want to burden it, so I'm doing FANTASTIC (Draws an imaginary rainbow)". Do you ever feel that your life is too real for yourself and bringing a 3rd party into the equation could cause all the plates you have balance on sticks and spinning to come tumbling to the ground? That's how I feel sometimes.

Have a good day!!!!
God Bless


Check out my story spot
http://ciderasstories.blogspot.com

Nawwwwwwwwwwww, uh uh

Sometimes Facebook is too much.
Sometimes people take too much of their business and put it up there.
But when people take other peoples business and put it on Facebook that's a bit insensitive and annoying to me.
I don't need people to put any info about my personal life on Facebook, if people gave a crap about what's going on  my my life they would text message or perhaps a call (not really, I hate talking on the phone). But I'm tired of people who feel like they are entitled to my life posting things about me or my family on Facebook pretending to deep, pretending to be ''reborn", PRETENDING. You are as deep as kiddy in the desert, save your sympathy, empathy, pretendathy(see what I did there, put pretend and sympathy together lol) for the people that still believe in your fake self. Yes I get that people can change, but no, not for the people I know, and I know these folks very well, YOU'RE FAKE! I'm just so appalled by how people can feel so deeply like it's there life, like they have to feel more feels than you, SOME OF Y'ALL NEED TO GET OFF THAT DRAKE MESS RIGHT NOW! How- -what - - -like you're so overwhelmed with emotions? Please stop, just stop pretending, and get your life together and leave mine off of Facebook, just stop.

Put honestly, I'm not even mad.

Whine Much

There's an epidemic y'all it's sweeping the nation. The epidemic of whining. I usually wake up each morning and start my routine but I was awoken by multiple text messages from a whiner. First of all everyone who knows me knows I'm the type of person to suck it up and soldier on sick, death in the family, cuts and bruises, sore and all. To be honest my body is riddled with pain constantly and I have my own personal issues but I soldier on. Now I will add that I know what you're saying "Not everyone can be like you" and blah blah blah, but I'm not asking that, what I'm asking is for people to stop whining. And if you are going to whine let the situation be one of involuntary cause, most whiners have voluntarily caused the situation they are whining about. Therefore if you brought it on yourself, shut up about and be big girls and big boys about it and don't whine to get sympathy, especially not from me. But back to the text message I received this morning, the person is legitimately ill and was whining about how they had no more days left at school to miss and they're so ill. Background on this person they're a bit dramatic and flighty so it's no surprise that they call me whining. What irritated me is that they woke me up for their whining drabble. What am I supposed to say? Mind you my direct reaction was "I DONT CARE" very insensitive I know, it won't be the first time I hear that about myself, but the school part and not having enough days to miss really got me. Why don't you have days left? Maybe it's because you decided to skip school could that be it (yup)? Or maybe you've accumulated so many tardies that they turned into absences (yup)? (On baby voice)Or maybe it's because you work long hours have to do homework and go to school full time and do laundry and-----"THAT'S WHAT BEING AN ADULT IS!"   

So moral of the story is I don't care about your whining when the situation you're whining about you caused and overlook your involvement in. Make better decisions and stop whining. 

P.s. I should have known it was a whining text message because the person never messages me that early unless they want something. Smh

Uh uh

You know the more I live the more I realize I truly have five people who I've allowed to know me. One of those people is God of course, the other two are siblings and the other two are my best friends. I've realized I'm truly the most guarded I've ever been and I think I'm going to be alright with that because the people I'm guarded against have lost there chance of ever being number six, they just don't know it yet which is sad. I admittedly have a lot of sorry people as "friends" who only need or want me when it's convient for them. So to those "friends" good luck with your marriages, kids, jobs, life because when you text me-  - oh wait, I meant when I text you because you're too busy(I work almost 100hrs  a week, and I don't have a life or anything) with life(smirks) I'll still give you the time of day, but don't pry, don't try to see how I've been, don't try to fake the concern because your actions will never match your text emoji. Yup (places hands behind head props feet on desk) I'm sentencing you to the associate/surface friendship zone enjoy swimming in it. 

But you know I'm not even mad (laughs)

I'm not talking about my j2's or siblings or God.(Like TI from ATL) Be clear