Giving Thanks In All Places

Do you ever think about the opportunities that you did and didn't have?

The paths that others had versus yours?

        I like to believe that it's human nature to compare ourselves to one another, but lately I've been thinking about how if I had been given a different set of opportunities would I be further than I am? Better, smarter? Would I be as resilient, strong(minded/willed) as capable? It's just a question that I've been bouncing around in my head some? I guess I times I feel that a lot of involuntary situations ill affected my life, caused me to safely play the game of chess, be the pawn (Shouts out to sumofherparts blog) instead of having my own board? Caused me to be submissive instead of assertive and created a false masks that I've been upholding for years. It's easy to say that if my parents had more of this, and did this and blah blah blah, but I really do wonder how my life would have turned out if I hadn't of had to grow up so quickly experiencing loss so early in my childhood.
        I understand experiences are good and bad, either way we're supposed to learn from them, I get it, I know and understand it but my mind still wonders, wanders. Everyone's had there experiences with life, everyone's had there trauma's that's what makes us different, but I have to stand on my box and say not many can walk this walk that I do and still stand. I'm no conceded by any means but I know others would have lost there minds and completely shut down given my situation. Now yes, I've had my moments of collapse, literally and emotional, but saying that "Oh you're just going through a hard time, it will get better, pray on it" is not as comforting, and is more insulting to me than most would know. I say I perceive it as an insult for multiple reasons, one the source where those words come from, the lack of sincerity maybe, half the people that say those kind of things are usually as deep as a kiddie pool in the desert. To say I'm angered toward my life experiences is honest, and some may say but. . . . . . and ramble off all the good things, that's good for your optimist mind, but to the world I'm a pessimist, not a realist as I like to say, and my world is a different place than what the movies depict. It's a world where stability, trust, honesty and love are a figment of imagination. It's a world where if you're not careful realization will come and smack you around a couple times leaving you bruised and beaten and lost, crawling on your hands and knees, completely turned around and wondering if I could have changed that one period, stopped right and made the choice marked with a question mark then would where I am now be different?
        As for me I don't know, but I feel like that answer is leaning toward a yes. I don't fault anyone or anything I just understand and am thankful for the life I'm dealt, I'm thankful anyhow I just wonder what the other side of my life looks like.

See Ya, God Bless