On The Mend

If there's no other choice

If all there is left is the breath in your lungs

Then take that air and scream

Scream until you feel normal

Scream until you run out of air then take another breath

If there's another morning that you get to see

And you can see

Then gaze around and count the walls 

Don't blink too much don't pass by people, places and things without appropriately introducing yourself

Discover all that you weren't allowed to touch and touch it over and over until it's so familiar you feel it before you think

If your heart is broken but still beating

I came to tell you that you're not dead yet no matter what your mind thinks

So take that heart and it's broken parts and mend

It won't be over night, it's going to take years until you're fully adjusted

But you have to start somewhere 

You won't stay this way forever no matter what your head says

You mend

You mend through whatever it is that takes you out of yourself, if it worries you, sparks fear do it

Remember you're here for a purpose

One you'll never understand or know

But nothing can function broken at least not for long so mend 

Giving Thanks In All Places

Do you ever think about the opportunities that you did and didn't have?

The paths that others had versus yours?

        I like to believe that it's human nature to compare ourselves to one another, but lately I've been thinking about how if I had been given a different set of opportunities would I be further than I am? Better, smarter? Would I be as resilient, strong(minded/willed) as capable? It's just a question that I've been bouncing around in my head some? I guess I times I feel that a lot of involuntary situations ill affected my life, caused me to safely play the game of chess, be the pawn (Shouts out to sumofherparts blog) instead of having my own board? Caused me to be submissive instead of assertive and created a false masks that I've been upholding for years. It's easy to say that if my parents had more of this, and did this and blah blah blah, but I really do wonder how my life would have turned out if I hadn't of had to grow up so quickly experiencing loss so early in my childhood.
        I understand experiences are good and bad, either way we're supposed to learn from them, I get it, I know and understand it but my mind still wonders, wanders. Everyone's had there experiences with life, everyone's had there trauma's that's what makes us different, but I have to stand on my box and say not many can walk this walk that I do and still stand. I'm no conceded by any means but I know others would have lost there minds and completely shut down given my situation. Now yes, I've had my moments of collapse, literally and emotional, but saying that "Oh you're just going through a hard time, it will get better, pray on it" is not as comforting, and is more insulting to me than most would know. I say I perceive it as an insult for multiple reasons, one the source where those words come from, the lack of sincerity maybe, half the people that say those kind of things are usually as deep as a kiddie pool in the desert. To say I'm angered toward my life experiences is honest, and some may say but. . . . . . and ramble off all the good things, that's good for your optimist mind, but to the world I'm a pessimist, not a realist as I like to say, and my world is a different place than what the movies depict. It's a world where stability, trust, honesty and love are a figment of imagination. It's a world where if you're not careful realization will come and smack you around a couple times leaving you bruised and beaten and lost, crawling on your hands and knees, completely turned around and wondering if I could have changed that one period, stopped right and made the choice marked with a question mark then would where I am now be different?
        As for me I don't know, but I feel like that answer is leaning toward a yes. I don't fault anyone or anything I just understand and am thankful for the life I'm dealt, I'm thankful anyhow I just wonder what the other side of my life looks like.

See Ya, God Bless

WalNart

Does anyone else feel like going to WalMart is like planning to take down a drug cartel?

It's like you have to draw maps and start 2 months in advance and stake out the place and all this extra stuff just to go there.

I honestly feel like the Mission Impossible music is playing as soon as I park in the parking lot.

I have to have to get my mind right to enter into this battlefield  store. So much so that if I can't go through the 20 items or less item line I have to put something back because a completely filled up Cadillac cart scares me.

It's understandable that WalMart is a place built to sell us customers stuff at low prices and that's great, but is the extra crap that customers have to endure worth the low cost?

Should customers have to endure half empty soda bottles, or missing merchandise because the theft situation has reached an all time high?

Should customers have to endure the attitude of overworked, underpaid, mistreated employees who have horrible attitudes and snatch money and coupons from customers hands? (Real situation, didn't end well)


Why does it seem like WalMart should require a dressed for customers now? Well the lady with the low, boob cleavage showing dingy white tank top and faded low hanging cookie monster pajama pants who reeks of cigarette smoke evidently does not possess the sense to not leave her house like that, or what- - -does she frequent the Walmart so much that she lives there?

Either way WalMart is never going to coincide with words like, positive environment, fun, joyous, clean, safe, or nice, it's a portal that I'm pretty sure has a residence partially in hell.

So for now I'll be starting my search for my team to start planning for my future trip to WalMart, while my my list only includes 10 items I have to start planning now for August, wish me luck folks.


Stay Blessed, Peace