Oh No That Item Has Been Discontinued

I don't know if anyone does a spending tracker on things like caring, patience, or things like that but I do. It's the end of the month so I've drained my care fund down to nothing and I'm thinking of taking the funds with which I would spend on patience and buying a new Coach bag because it's a better investment than people. Living the life we live is great for most, you build relationships with people, friendships but sometimes you grow apart. We all have different experiences and some are blessed with more good experiences, while others suffer and endure worse. That's what makes us who we are, but then we have the issue with who we believe ourselves to be, versus who we truly are, versus what we show to people, and then we round it out with people's perception of the person we show to them. I'll use work as an example, unless you're your own boss you can't possibly be yourself at work, if that was the case I would be quiet and work on my knitting, exercise, read and write all day, and watch Netflix but I can't do that because I can't be myself in my work environment. Think about it, how many people know the true you other than God? Now how many people know only what you want them to know, and how many people know you based on the person you've had to become to survive? It's great to be free and live life but if only it were truly as easy as it sounds. And maybe for some it is that easy, but for the other percent that wake up each morning surviving and not living I commend you. I used to live a life where I lived to pacify others, I actually enjoyed people, but us---- human beings are such horrid creatures more than they are pleasant ones. It's an ugly truth that I think we all hide, even your generous and cheerful of people have an unpleasantness. I don't know when we as a society changed to being so lazy, stupid, and hateful? It makes me not trust anyone because from what I've seen everyone has a hidden agenda or use you to get to the top themselves, more concerned with there own personal pleasures and joys than the persons with which they suck dry and use to build there own power. No one wants to hear the negativity, or be labeled a pessimist but we don't live in the times of positivity anymore. And maybe the fact that we faked that positivity and sweep negativity, and truth under the rug so much has caused the destructive society we have today Just look at the news, any act of kindness now is spotlighted in the media like its so great, how about taking it as something you should do since you should be a good person to all people, but oh yeah we don't live in that world anymore, my bad. Now I'll admit that I'm a bit jealous of most peoples lives because they seem to have had a lot more freedom than I have had. I'll take the blame that I structure my life because I know my life and how it works (I wrote a blog about it) and it's left little room for pleasures or joys living in that box, but it's kept me pretty level considering. I watch people walk around aimlessly, stupid, unaware taking more time to decide on what they want to eat than they do about more serious matters such as where the better schools are for they children so they can receive the best education. I read an article about the psychology people who hate people, it's called misanthropy

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Misanthropy the general hatred, distrust, or disdain, of the human species or human nature.

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The article explained a lot about people who hate people, it's not so much of they hate people but it's deeper than that. CHECK OUT THE ARTICLE!!! It's a bit more personally based than a generalization. As I've said before I used to like people but that view has changed tremendously for me, because I have such a high standard for the people I surround myself with that only the elite survive. I also have to add my short or lack there of level of tolerance for people, I'll admit I've spent the money I would have bought more tolerance with on MMA fighting gloves but that's besides the point. What I'm saying is the items that more people are wanting from me lately have been discontinued, it's the special brand that I used to use and now I can't find it anywhere, so please read the caution before discussing stupid stuff with me, because you will either receive a vague response, a thumbs up emoji, silence and a side eye.

That is all, lol.

Pretty Hurts

Let's be honest, not everyone is extremely attractive, to each it's own but some men and women are gorgeous. Truth be told I believe self esteem is built from within one's self not by the acceptance of others. But today I'll be discussing how being pretty sucks. 

For those of you who fall into the bornbeautifulIwokeuplikethis#flawless category, good for you, but it sucks sometimes doesn't it?

I was talking with a friend who falls into this said category and after listening I summed up all she had said in one response. "I hate to say this, but that's the cost of being pretty." Her response was "I really does, it sucks." This friends not only pretty, but she has a very extroverted, cheerful, peppy personality to add to her beauty. But if it's the beauty that people see first and they struggle to get past that, what's the point? It's a struggle for my friend to date because most men are attracted to her based solely on her physical and ignore her personality, or when she does dive into a relationship she finds that the men she's with become infatuated with her and controlling of her because of the fear of her leaving them. She described it saying that in these men's minds she's going to always' be able to do better than them and the anxiety of losing her to other men leads them to become a bit crazy. While I would said that if a man is that fearful of losing you, he's insecure anyway, but I can't, because I haven't really had that issue. 

Aside from relationship struggles, theres the personal issue of my friend not being able to be herself because of her beauty. When she said this I was confused? But she explained to me that at times she's had to take a step down from being herself, for example not being as peppy to remove attention that she didn't want from people including women who for some reason(insecurity) didn't like her because of her beauty and personality. This friend has spoken to me about her life experiences and she's had a hard life and survived it all, but most people wouldn't even know that because they're basing there view of her on her beauty versus getting to know her. I used to think like those same people when I was younger, "If you're pretty you have it all." But in all actuality its just another side of the coin with it's own set of issues, it's own set of struggles. 

What it boils down to is acceptance. Why should people have to dilute themselves to accommodate others, or change who they are because they're fighting for the same acceptance that the introverted depressed person is? It's a surprising view and one that isn't talked about enough. 

Be blessed.

I Lick The Glass Of Your Life

A must be nice

Wonder what that life is like

My life is nothing quite

Like the picture I see of your L-I-F-E

But these windows taste alright
Like warmth, trust, strain and strife
Must be nice to be in a position of security
I wonder what that's like?
So I lick the glass of your life
Seeing into it, tasting the mix of love and compassion
Better than my own glass,
jagged and shattered, tasteless and bitter
Just pieces to a whole
The aftermath of destruction that has severely taken
a toll
My breath fogs up my view at times and
the coolness of the glass feels nice against my skin
sending chills all over my body
With my eyes darting back and forth as I watch
your life play out I question is that what life is like?
The comfort, the joys, the highs, the lows, the peaks,
the valleys, the support?
I don't know that normal, I don't know that life
So as my eyes droop and close, I fall asleep and dream
awaiting to tune into another one of your life episodes

#LITR

        You know sometimes how you get in a mood? Like you feel extra happy or mopey or just blah? Well I would like to call my mood the LITR (life is too real) mood. It's when you realize that your personal life is somehow reached a pinnacle of realness that you never would have thought it would be. Some King of the world, Titanic type stuff, which makes it hard to share how I'm doing with people when they ask. If people knew how the simple phrase of "How are you?" affects me they wouldn't ask it. My response is usually a quick stern "Fine" or "Doing alright, I can't complain" but before those words leave my mouth or get typed out by my fingers in a text message there's a strain, an extra pain that I experience because I feel the pressure to be my usually brutally honest self, but I would be risking a lot. What would I be risking? Usually it's a choice between pissing off the person I'm talking too by wanting to say "Why would you ask me that, when you don't even care, and you're just being nosy to use my response for gossip?" or it's "I wish I could tell you the truth, but I don't trust you completely yet" or "You have a great life, I don't want to burden it, so I'm doing FANTASTIC (Draws an imaginary rainbow)". Do you ever feel that your life is too real for yourself and bringing a 3rd party into the equation could cause all the plates you have balance on sticks and spinning to come tumbling to the ground? That's how I feel sometimes.

Have a good day!!!!
God Bless


Check out my story spot
http://ciderasstories.blogspot.com