On The Mend

If there's no other choice

If all there is left is the breath in your lungs

Then take that air and scream

Scream until you feel normal

Scream until you run out of air then take another breath

If there's another morning that you get to see

And you can see

Then gaze around and count the walls 

Don't blink too much don't pass by people, places and things without appropriately introducing yourself

Discover all that you weren't allowed to touch and touch it over and over until it's so familiar you feel it before you think

If your heart is broken but still beating

I came to tell you that you're not dead yet no matter what your mind thinks

So take that heart and it's broken parts and mend

It won't be over night, it's going to take years until you're fully adjusted

But you have to start somewhere 

You won't stay this way forever no matter what your head says

You mend

You mend through whatever it is that takes you out of yourself, if it worries you, sparks fear do it

Remember you're here for a purpose

One you'll never understand or know

But nothing can function broken at least not for long so mend 

Giving Thanks In All Places

Do you ever think about the opportunities that you did and didn't have?

The paths that others had versus yours?

        I like to believe that it's human nature to compare ourselves to one another, but lately I've been thinking about how if I had been given a different set of opportunities would I be further than I am? Better, smarter? Would I be as resilient, strong(minded/willed) as capable? It's just a question that I've been bouncing around in my head some? I guess I times I feel that a lot of involuntary situations ill affected my life, caused me to safely play the game of chess, be the pawn (Shouts out to sumofherparts blog) instead of having my own board? Caused me to be submissive instead of assertive and created a false masks that I've been upholding for years. It's easy to say that if my parents had more of this, and did this and blah blah blah, but I really do wonder how my life would have turned out if I hadn't of had to grow up so quickly experiencing loss so early in my childhood.
        I understand experiences are good and bad, either way we're supposed to learn from them, I get it, I know and understand it but my mind still wonders, wanders. Everyone's had there experiences with life, everyone's had there trauma's that's what makes us different, but I have to stand on my box and say not many can walk this walk that I do and still stand. I'm no conceded by any means but I know others would have lost there minds and completely shut down given my situation. Now yes, I've had my moments of collapse, literally and emotional, but saying that "Oh you're just going through a hard time, it will get better, pray on it" is not as comforting, and is more insulting to me than most would know. I say I perceive it as an insult for multiple reasons, one the source where those words come from, the lack of sincerity maybe, half the people that say those kind of things are usually as deep as a kiddie pool in the desert. To say I'm angered toward my life experiences is honest, and some may say but. . . . . . and ramble off all the good things, that's good for your optimist mind, but to the world I'm a pessimist, not a realist as I like to say, and my world is a different place than what the movies depict. It's a world where stability, trust, honesty and love are a figment of imagination. It's a world where if you're not careful realization will come and smack you around a couple times leaving you bruised and beaten and lost, crawling on your hands and knees, completely turned around and wondering if I could have changed that one period, stopped right and made the choice marked with a question mark then would where I am now be different?
        As for me I don't know, but I feel like that answer is leaning toward a yes. I don't fault anyone or anything I just understand and am thankful for the life I'm dealt, I'm thankful anyhow I just wonder what the other side of my life looks like.

See Ya, God Bless

WalNart

Does anyone else feel like going to WalMart is like planning to take down a drug cartel?

It's like you have to draw maps and start 2 months in advance and stake out the place and all this extra stuff just to go there.

I honestly feel like the Mission Impossible music is playing as soon as I park in the parking lot.

I have to have to get my mind right to enter into this battlefield  store. So much so that if I can't go through the 20 items or less item line I have to put something back because a completely filled up Cadillac cart scares me.

It's understandable that WalMart is a place built to sell us customers stuff at low prices and that's great, but is the extra crap that customers have to endure worth the low cost?

Should customers have to endure half empty soda bottles, or missing merchandise because the theft situation has reached an all time high?

Should customers have to endure the attitude of overworked, underpaid, mistreated employees who have horrible attitudes and snatch money and coupons from customers hands? (Real situation, didn't end well)


Why does it seem like WalMart should require a dressed for customers now? Well the lady with the low, boob cleavage showing dingy white tank top and faded low hanging cookie monster pajama pants who reeks of cigarette smoke evidently does not possess the sense to not leave her house like that, or what- - -does she frequent the Walmart so much that she lives there?

Either way WalMart is never going to coincide with words like, positive environment, fun, joyous, clean, safe, or nice, it's a portal that I'm pretty sure has a residence partially in hell.

So for now I'll be starting my search for my team to start planning for my future trip to WalMart, while my my list only includes 10 items I have to start planning now for August, wish me luck folks.


Stay Blessed, Peace

Croc Of Crap

So does anyone know what these are?

They're Crocs.Crocs Site

I've listened to people hate on these shoes so much currently, and the people that wear them.

Well if you're hating on the people that wear Crocs then YOU'RE HATING ON ME!

Let me smack you up real quick, just playing.

So why do people hate crocs, well obviously the people who hate on them have tried wearing them(DOUBT IT)

Oh they must spend 12 hours or more on there feet in work shoes or boots(NOPE)

Or you know what it must be they must have no arches in there foot which changes the entire way your body mechanics work and is extremely painful(NOPE)

Oh they must hate them because there unattractive(Your face is unattractive so you should cut that up and set that  on fire like you did the crocs)

The hate for crocs is deep for many, but for me it's a deep love.

I have over five pairs all different types, heels, sandals, sneakers, winter boots, clogs and all that, I can pretty much outfit any outfit with them. I love crocs because at my job I'm on my feet for 12-14 hours at a time, and I'm very athletic(running, biking, lifting) and while I wear the required footwear for each activity after or before I'm in

Yep, the hideous, dignity losing, comfort inducing Crocs.

I don't care if I'm judged for wearing these, my no arch feet, shorter right leg that causes me crippling pain on a regular basis but is eased with the help of Crocs thanks you. After working 13 hours having walked over 20 miles at my job in muck covered work sneakers I get in my car and put on these

I feel like I'm forgetting something, OH YEAH, for when I'm needing to have a bit of height, minus the pain of a stiletto or heel digging into my no arch foot and ever rolling ankles I rock these(I have them in brown as well)

So I guess it all boils down to 

Bye, God Bless

Have The Cake, Enjoy It

If I cry, yell and scream I should get my way, also I'm going to assume you have the mental make up of a 2 year old, unable to control your feelings or take the chastisement that you earned because you screwed up and refuse to take responsibility for it. But looking at you I clearly see you're an adult, with a bachelors degree so I'm ruling out the 2 year old make up thing. 

Slow clap for the people who follow the traits first stated that if I cry, yell and scream I should get my way, wrong or right, whoever is more visibly upset wins. That's the way it's looking nowadays. Or if I can justify my wrong it should be forgotten and forgiven(cough, cough) Rachel Dolezal(cough, cough). What does this anything goes mentality mean? To me it means chaos, it means that rules are pointless, and anarchy is bound to happen eventually. But it won't be the people who cry, yell and scream who are the anarchist, it will be the unsuspecting law abiding citizens that after continuous unfairness and being walked over take what's rightfully there's. So to all of those that use the crying, yelling, pouting, screaming tactics to get out of doing what is right, enjoy it now. Enjoy your freedom, enjoy the false rise to the top, but keep in mind the fall to the bottom is long, arduous and lonely. And to all the people who do what's right, the ones who fight their moral compass wanting do the same bad that others have done unto you but you have the "do right by others" bred into your DNA keep going, it will turn around. 

PSA: Thanks, You Just Stripped What Glimmer Of Hope I Had For Humanity Away, Almost

Public Sarcastic Announcement

Thank you customers, guest, and always right patrons👍 for confirming my suspicion of how humanity has been murdered after being kidnapped and held in solitary confinement. Thank you for prettying up you pettiness and letting it speak for you in its most regal of pajama pants and dirty old house shoes that all get to see as you waddle up to the counter because you have a complaint. Thank you marjuana shirted law abiding citizens for testing my knowledge on price checking so you can finally decide that the $1 you have isn't enough to make a purchase, thank you. Oh and can't forget you future customers, the lil ones who love being independent and going to the bathroom all by themselves only to crawl underneath the locked stall leaving it locked from the inside or splash water all over the mirror and the floors resulting in an elderly woman slipping. Oh yes the hours of incident reports are all from you and the pending lawsuit from her broken hip are owed to you too. Thank you the ever frequenting people who adore using there linguistic capabilities, specifically language enhancers that if written down would require uses of @$* and such, you definitely will get the best service from any establishment you go too as long as you can watch your food being made, otherwise your want of personal service may become very personal including the grill cooks DNA. And lastly thank you coworkers who are the best of the best, ever so skillful knife throwers who have targeted me on more than one occasion, thank you. 

(Removes knife from back and walks off)

   

(Returns takes a breath)

However I feel as if I'm forgetting some people, the regulars, not the I'm picky let me get a cheeseburger with no cheese but it's still a cheese burger regulars, I'm talking about the ones I know by just there voice, the ones who know the struggle of our work and are never a problem. These true blues are the real heroes of my day, they know what they want and when they ask you how your day is going they actually make eye contact with you and wait for an answer. They're the ones we call by name and want work extra hard for. The regulars who handle our difficult guest by saying to them what we can't(Shout out to Ms. Regina and Ms. Linda/they handle my light work lol)The ones that if we don't see you for a while we worry and have genuine adoration for. It's because of you regulars that I still have a glimmer of hope for humanity, and for that I honestly thank you.

Oh No That Item Has Been Discontinued

I don't know if anyone does a spending tracker on things like caring, patience, or things like that but I do. It's the end of the month so I've drained my care fund down to nothing and I'm thinking of taking the funds with which I would spend on patience and buying a new Coach bag because it's a better investment than people. Living the life we live is great for most, you build relationships with people, friendships but sometimes you grow apart. We all have different experiences and some are blessed with more good experiences, while others suffer and endure worse. That's what makes us who we are, but then we have the issue with who we believe ourselves to be, versus who we truly are, versus what we show to people, and then we round it out with people's perception of the person we show to them. I'll use work as an example, unless you're your own boss you can't possibly be yourself at work, if that was the case I would be quiet and work on my knitting, exercise, read and write all day, and watch Netflix but I can't do that because I can't be myself in my work environment. Think about it, how many people know the true you other than God? Now how many people know only what you want them to know, and how many people know you based on the person you've had to become to survive? It's great to be free and live life but if only it were truly as easy as it sounds. And maybe for some it is that easy, but for the other percent that wake up each morning surviving and not living I commend you. I used to live a life where I lived to pacify others, I actually enjoyed people, but us---- human beings are such horrid creatures more than they are pleasant ones. It's an ugly truth that I think we all hide, even your generous and cheerful of people have an unpleasantness. I don't know when we as a society changed to being so lazy, stupid, and hateful? It makes me not trust anyone because from what I've seen everyone has a hidden agenda or use you to get to the top themselves, more concerned with there own personal pleasures and joys than the persons with which they suck dry and use to build there own power. No one wants to hear the negativity, or be labeled a pessimist but we don't live in the times of positivity anymore. And maybe the fact that we faked that positivity and sweep negativity, and truth under the rug so much has caused the destructive society we have today Just look at the news, any act of kindness now is spotlighted in the media like its so great, how about taking it as something you should do since you should be a good person to all people, but oh yeah we don't live in that world anymore, my bad. Now I'll admit that I'm a bit jealous of most peoples lives because they seem to have had a lot more freedom than I have had. I'll take the blame that I structure my life because I know my life and how it works (I wrote a blog about it) and it's left little room for pleasures or joys living in that box, but it's kept me pretty level considering. I watch people walk around aimlessly, stupid, unaware taking more time to decide on what they want to eat than they do about more serious matters such as where the better schools are for they children so they can receive the best education. I read an article about the psychology people who hate people, it's called misanthropy

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Misanthropy the general hatred, distrust, or disdain, of the human species or human nature.

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The article explained a lot about people who hate people, it's not so much of they hate people but it's deeper than that. CHECK OUT THE ARTICLE!!! It's a bit more personally based than a generalization. As I've said before I used to like people but that view has changed tremendously for me, because I have such a high standard for the people I surround myself with that only the elite survive. I also have to add my short or lack there of level of tolerance for people, I'll admit I've spent the money I would have bought more tolerance with on MMA fighting gloves but that's besides the point. What I'm saying is the items that more people are wanting from me lately have been discontinued, it's the special brand that I used to use and now I can't find it anywhere, so please read the caution before discussing stupid stuff with me, because you will either receive a vague response, a thumbs up emoji, silence and a side eye.

That is all, lol.