This Year

So this is it?
This year has come and went
Now we stand in reflection of how our 2015 year was spent or not
So we can say we lived it well while others cannot
Do we make resolutions for next year?
Do we fit in with the rest or not?
That's a question for sure
Somehow this year was lost to me, with remnants of 2014 still bleeding through it
And I barely making it through it
But 2016 is another time to see
To see if I'll continue on with the same me or be a new me
I don't know if I believe in the "New Year, New Me" thing, I don't think I do
But I believe in goal setting for everyday, to pray my way through
To inspire some, gain a friend or two, and more than just survive and make it through
I want to live, love, and live some more 
I've missed out on this year and won't get a second chance
So I'll be looking forward instead of looking back

        Had to get one more poem in before the end of the year.
        Anyway, it's the last day's of the year and like I said  reflection time is here. For many people they will see this year as great, awesome while others will reflect on losing and missing out. So for those people who missed out what do we do? Do we dwell in that mindset? Do we let the past ill effect our future or what? I'll admit that for me living in the past is comfortable and coming outside of that is scary, and it feels kind of sketchy. But that's a part of it I guess? Just like the people who are sucky people in this world they play their part by making the good people fight for what's right and true, the protagonist, antagonist thing. 
        The typical resolutions usually start to fail around June, that's six months deep and we've been beat down enough to fully abandon our goals and return to our comfort zone. So family makes us, jobs make us, the guy who cut me off in traffic made me back track, no, no, no. YOU! YOU! MADE YOU DO THAT! ME, ME ME! We look for justification in all of our situations, it's just human nature to justify our irrational actions with whatever makes us feel good, but it shouldn't. We have to take responsibility for ourselves, whether that be mentally or physically. Like the effect of a positive mind can combat bitterness and depression, but too often we sink to the level of how we feel in that moment rather than the overall outcome of our actions during that moment. It's the aftereffect. After we cool down and are able to "get out of our feelings" we see things in a rational manner and are embarrassed by how we acted initially, but human nature is like that, fickle. When we resolve to change and set goals we want to shoot for the stars instead of just starting small. 
        So start small. If we want to be more positive we have to actively self talk ourselves out of our negative thoughts and into the positive ones. It's hard, I'm pessimistic, sarcastic and cynical so I know how hard it is see things realistically and as horrible as they are and still have a positive outlook. But when all things that we can see fail us we still have ourselves. So if myself has a negative mindset when all else around me fails I'm still left with negativity, which sucks. So as this year goes out and next year enters in mindfulness will be my goal, and I hope you choose a goal as well and have a blessed new year.

RIP Christmas

Yes Christmas is dead. 

It's sad but true because the true meaning of it is gone.

Most people are currently rushing around stressed trying to find gifts for people that they barely care about, visit or love during the entire year but so they are not singled out by society as being a "Scrooge" they force themselves to conform to what they're told is right. I used to be one of them, stressing myself out, agonizing over not having the money to get the best for my loved ones or risking leaving someone out, even purchasing coworkers whose characters I do not care for gifts, but now I don't. I finished my Christmas shopping before the end of November and my list was very short not because most of my family members who would have received a gift are deceased(have to throw in my morbid humor lol) but because I was organized and honest with my list and my gifts. Working in retail has allowed me to be on the front line of crazed shoppers who are stressed, depressed, and zombies(shout out to the customer who said he had walked the mall for four hours, come into my store twice and given up on finding his girlfriend anything else other than a Nike shirt because now he feels "numb and zombie like."). Let's take yesterday and my first customer who was angry because I couldn't help her find a coupon and said she was going to call and complain on me for it(shout out to you preggers, I deemed this one of your moments of emotional rushes because even your husband left you in the store tired of you bickering at him to go and find peace from your annoying self  look in another store). While she was upset over a coupon one of my final customers was not concerned with Christmas gifts, you know why? BECAUSE HER MOTHER WAS DYING IN A HOSPITAL AND SHE AND HER FAMILY KNEW THIS WAS HER FINAL CHRISTMAS! Yes something to worry about, a truth, people and the quality of time with which we spend with them builds memories and those memories can't be lost, burned or stolen. So I hope the stuff that can be lost, burned or stolen is enough. I'll take being home with my family with no tree no gifts no nothing but watching Charlie Brown's Christmas on TV with them and building those memories over anything.

Ode To Black Friday

        While back in the day Thanksgiving was an all day preparation situation with mom, grandma, aunts communing in the kitchen making there famous pies and dishes. Times have changed. I don't know when this happened but it had to have been subtle. Now on Thanksgiving people are plotting not what will be prepared or what football game will be watched but what the opening times are of their favorite stores and shopping malls. So you'll spend time plotting out every part of your Satan Hell Black Friday schemes and every Starbucks in route between each store your going too. For what? Sure the excitement of the Christmas season, or having your family around to help save a spot in that long line, or get over on the one item per person situation by having little Sarah purchase the Xbox One. It's a very different time, one where stuff is more important than family, and hours are wasted on planning for an event that really isn't as deal stealing as these stores fool you to believe. But to the people who have to work and see and deal with the people who are shopping it's not as much of a nightmare as it is laughable. Well to me anyways. So I've decided to list some of the peeves that my coworkers and I find to be common among consumers during Satan Hell Black Friday.

Rule 1: Do not ask the employees if they're any more discounts you can get? 

Why: It makes you look more cheap(you already look cheap in your dingy white shirt, Cookie Monster pajama pants, slipper and head wrap) When the majority of the store is reduced why be greedy? And honestly it's not our priority to do your couponing for you. But will be happy to show you where all the best deals are in the store, as long as you do not ignore our forced greeting of you when you enter our store. (The one's who ignore retail workers when we greet them somehow are the main one's who have questions.)

Rule 2: Do not tell the employees that you fee for them having to work on Thanksgiving.  

Why: Obviously this question is my biggest pet peeve. You're here shopping, technically I'm working on Thanksgiving BECAUSE OF YOU. If you didn't shop we would be closed so don't chastise me with you fake concern. In the words of Marshawn Lynch "You know why I'm here."

Rule 3: Looking is fine, but if you're a touchy person put your hands in your pockets. 

Why: More often than not people are more so looking at what sales are going on and aren't looking to buy. Not buying is great but touching everything and messing it up I believe should require a fee. The thanks for messing up the store but not buying anything fee. 

Rule 4: Do not get high on impulses

Why: Shopping can be addictive anything can be. But watching other people spend ridiculous amounts of money on stuff can pull the most greatest of followers to spend as well. Look don't be a follower, think before you spend frivolously. (Pay your bills first, don't be that type of refund person who has to because the light, water, and electricity bills are due and you spent too much on stuff)

Rule 5: Do not bring your kids with you. And don't get mad at your kids for being a kid. 

Why: In the beginning of the Black Friday excitement kids will promise to be behaved and full of energy but after about 2 hours in they'll be tired and whiny. You can't fault the child for being a child, there little bodies aren't prepared for this, they require naps and breaks and snacks. So don't expect them to be able to go from 6pm - midnight. (If you must bring your children make sure your stocked up and well prepared)

The last and final rule is the most important of all
Rule 6: Be safe, be smart.
Why: Stuff..........is not worth your life or the lives of others. We are in very different times, and they're somewhat destructive and it's well planned destruction, so please be safe with all the chaos that will be going on from the roadways, stores, security is there to keep you safe, so keep a level head, and the smart. 

Have fun on Black Friday for those of you going out for it, as for me I'll work my shift and head on home and spend time with my family.

I Can't See

I don't see that

I don't see what you see

This debate is fake on your half if you say you believe in what I do

How can that be true?

I'm not going to take a place atop a tower and cast shame downwards because that's not my place, it seems to be yours

I don't see that

I don't see where it says hate and separation is justified 

What faith is that?

I don't see confusion 

I see it clear I don't care about what color your skin is but how you treat me and how you care 

I don't say that you're wrong, the opinion is yours

But I'm left believing your closed mindedness has left you ignorant and safe inside your glass house

I hope you cherish your safety because I can't imagine you surviving this world without it

But I don't see love in your view

I may be bitter at times, that's rectifiable 

But your justified ignorance is not 

It may have been a while ago but it's not now

It's sad, very sad that you call yourself by the name of his people but lack the intelligence to know your faith is fake

You can't mix faith with hate

So don't ask me how I love a friend, who is a strong woman and loves a strong woman. Don't come to me questioning why an interracial couple would chose to have a child together, and that that child will grow up confused by what they are

Because I don't see what you see

Neither of our generations have witnessed the significant divide from our past so I don't play those cards

But I do play the card of being a child of his, knowing his view is nothing like what you see, nothing like the racial poisoning that you project and respect 

All I can do is pray, pray for the veil to be lifted off your eyes and pray that your offspring will not be ill effected by you 

I pray that he or she learns to just love, without conditions, learn that love is an international means of communication and it's more than just the color of your skin

When Did This Become Okay?

I don't know man, but these kids are growing up to be real mean little people. 

I've recently heard stories from and personally experienced kids acting out with a level of douchebaggery that they should not have acquired yet. A kid should not call his parents or guardians stupid or idiots and belittle other kids. Case and point I was giving out Halloween candy and little Elsa (toddler)and Ironman( 5-6) come up to get candy, Elsa starts to try to get her piece of candy out of the box, I had to lean down so she could reach it but before she could get any candy, Ironman pushes her back and gets her candy grumbling that she needs to hurry up and she was stupid for being slow all the time. Parents? Oh no correction from you because you're on your cellphone? Okay so little true to character douchebag Ironman is cool to do this? 

Okay?

Little Elsa got to get extra candy this time on her own while little true to character Ironman trudged into the next house

Second occurrence, at work a little girl (9-10, old enough to get slapped)and her grandmother were shopping and were  ready to check out so I did my thing and gave her grandmother her total. After 5 minutes of digging through her purse for her misplaced debit card she retrieved it and goes to hand it to me. Keep in mind the little girl was standing there impatiently playing with her huge Brandy braids, she snatched the card out of her grandmothers hand and swiped it on the machine. 

Really are you for real? Are you serious right now?

Rude, rude, rude little brat, she's here buying your ungrateful behind stuff and you want to snatch and ---I had to take a moment of silence for her behavior or to take my hands off of my belt or to rethink grabbing "Brandy" over the counter and giving her an over the knee experience. 

Where did this become okay? 

All This

All this for one night only?

I don't know if I'm down for investing hundreds of dollars into a Jordan jersey just so I can be Miley Cyrus for Halloween. Nor am I spending thirty dollars on boxing gloves so I can basically play pretend for a night. For those people that are hardcore celebrators of Halloween, DO THAT! Go all out. But for the last minute bandwagon folks, STOP. JUST STOP!

Why stress yourself out over a costume that you'll try to piece together and fail miserably at?

Just be you. 

Many people are pretending to be somebody that they're not on a regular basis. So why change now?

I just boggles my mind that some people are leaving bills unpaid and overdue to shop for the right Minion yellow socks for their Minion costume, so a day after you can try those socks for a refund. 

BUT OH NO!

You paid credit so you're bank will hold your money for a bit. But somehow your lack of adulting(yep made it up) will be my fault and you'll address me with irritability and obscenities. I'll in turn embrace your attitude with faked concern and wait for you to calm down, finish or leave. Your final words of course will be something to the effect of "I'm never coming back", and you'll view that as a threat while I'll accept it, almost jumping forth to extend my pinky to get you to promise. 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN !!!!!!!

Thrill of the Defeat

Don't wave my white flag for me

I haven't given up yet

And if you knew me you would know I'm better than that

Defeat and I have never been able to coexist for long before one of us is calling our arrangement off, packing our bags and leaving out of the door

We can be so attracted to one another

And we do a wonderful job at accepting one another's  faults, and there is the no judgement thing that is appealing

But here's where I have to draw a line, cut ties and move on

I don't do commitment to settling for less 

I've dated defeat and it doesn't ever change, it's consistent in remaining complacent

Which I just can't do

I don't have much time left, and I have a work to do, so I've got to move on defeat, my love

Contents

I've embraced the life

Of treasured moments

Embraces 

Hate

Suffering 

Those with which we'll lose

Well you'll lose and I'll be left holding onto

A communication that happens seldom

But when it does it's like we never left

Like it hasn't been years 

Like we never left one another

But I'm alone

I'm left with the memories 

But somehow I'm okay with it this way

It's like your memories are personal effects

Contents left in my mind that no one can collect

So I've grown to become fine, okay

Treasure the high school years of play brother and sister

I'll keep those vital visions of you playing football

I'll keep those views of you strong and smiling

You never did lose that strength,smile, or that laugh

I'll carry the contents of you in my memory no matter how heavy 

For your memory is not a burden it's a gift

NISM

Need I Say More

Some situations don't require words

If one was to add any it would take away from the silence

If the silence speaks for it self

What's the point of words?

I believe silence has just as much if not more than a place in life

Yes I could conjure up many words to express many things

But what's the point when silence is enough?

If you allow it

It can be enough 

So much excess, more is better, more is better

But there has to be "More" limits

A cut off

Don't underestimate the silent types

For they understand the depth with which silence allows versus small talk and loud crowds

It's an Need I Say More mentality, one that is ventured in silence and analyzed into wisdom

Try it sometimes

Hmm Perhaps I'm Wrong But....

The When you hear the words "Self Checkout" what do you think that means?

"Self Checkout" Hm?
         Honestly to me me it would be a register designed for an individual to ring up there own items and cash themselves out. But evidently I'm wrong......

        While others may enjoy the often fake and freigned courtesy customer service folks give I know the other side of the coin and choose to let them stand by there register and chill while I ring up my own stuff. Now I know I'll have the "but it's there job blah blah blah, shut up. It's not there job to deal with your extra baggage that you so voluntarily place on them like, your couponing habit that requires you to have a cart for all your coupon binders and one for your couponing haul and another for your personal purchases. Does compulsiveness reflect your personality much? Or acceptable hoarding maybe?

Anyway back to "Self Checkout"

       
         While visiting a grocery store I often use self check out because it's quick, I don't have many items and I hate people, so I went to my self checkout and start ringing myself up. I noticed this middle aged woman standing at another self checkout ahead of me with her basket looking around. I figured maybe she's waiting for her kids who went back to get her something she forgot, but no. 

Nope, nope she was waiting to be rung up by the standby self checkout associate, and after questioning the associate about why she was standing there instead of ringing her up.....ITS SELF CHECKOUT YOU IDIOT! If you wanted someone to check you out try becoming a library book, go to the other 8 checkout work attendants you passed by. I continued to scan and enter my items then pay while the woman was rang up and paid. Shaking my head I left and returned my cart to its designated area. For every person trying to not make others places of employment more difficult there's 5 more people trying to get there items bagged a certain way because of there OCD, use coupons that they damaged and are not able to be entered or scanned, get angry over the total of there purchases like it was the sale associates fault when they are the ones who wanted the items, or in there words "needed", or want a refund/exchange for an item they lost the receipt for and get angry at the customer service person for not being able to aid in there self imposed issues.

        It's not customer service employees jobs to suffer underneath the idiocy of superior feeling people who think that customer service employees themselves are worthless or less than. The worst part about the entire situation is the middle aged woman wasn't corrected at all by the customer associate...... but she was by me(smiles). No worries I was nice about it, just made her aware that she was in the self checkout.(smiles). I work in the customer service business, have for years, both retail and food service, and I've experienced the worst and the best, but personally I know that if you respect me as a person I'll go above and beyond for my customer, and have. But as far as being rude and acting entitled you can save that for someone else.

It Starts There

        The situation is this, most accidents, and incidents good and bad relate back to personal skills that we should have learned when we were children. You question, I don't understand why my younger sister who is 30 is such a brat, well let's take a look back at when she was 6 and was never punished for being a brat or told that her actions were wrong or brat like? So the brattiness was left to  fester, grow, and throughout her aging process she becomes more of a brat, so now she has a husband and children, and a house with a white picket fence and she's used her brattiness to acquire all she has, and while her husband believes her brattiness to be cute, and adorable, he's a blind loving husband who works a high end job that affords your bratty sister to be a stay at home mom with nannies and such who the kids almost accidentally call mommy everyday, cause they represent being a mother more than your bratty sister. So how does the fact that you and your husband having to scrap and save to give your one child a decent up bringing bode with you? Does it make you a bit bitter? You can feel how you want, but know that when your bratty sister was 6 and she lied on you about breaking that vase and you let her, silently accepting her lie and allowing your parents to punish you instead, and you took that punishment in silence, you set yourself up for what you feel right now. Yep, it's your fault and all the people around her that thought her pouting, and throwing a tantrum was cute and not her being a brat. It's your fault because she used what little power she had to cry, whine, and stomp her foot to get her way, while you sat in the corner moping, going unnoticed because she took all the attention. Yep being a sibling of a brat is something else for the other siblings, but don't think the brattiness started recently, the root of bratitude(yep, made it up) is a seed that is fed by many fertilizers, and watered unwittingly by the siblings, parents, teachers, and whomever is around the bratty sibling, they take whoever they're around and make them feed the seed of bratitude they have deeply rooted where there heart should be.
        This topic came to me when I was watching the news, and of course the news is just a bucket of happy now a days (sarcastic), but anyways I was watching the news and I realized that most of the issues that we are supposed to receive in grade school or before at home are the reasons why we suck fail as adults. Some personal skills include, listening, paying attention, silence while others are speaking, sharing, humility, responsibility, cooperation just to name a few, oh and my favorite one is keeping your hands to yourself. Now, I don't have children, but I do observe children on a daily basis and have a personal understanding that they grow into adults. So if little Tommy is throwing things that don't belong to him at 7 and 8, if you never correct him, he's going to jail for assault as an adult. Yeah I can hear it now,  "That's dramatic, and blah blah blah," but it's my personal opinion that this everyones a winner, as long as you treat me like everyone else, but I have special issues that require me to not be treated like everyone else so don't treat me like everyone else but if you treat me different I'll tell blah, blah, blah is heading  going down a road of justifiable violence and circumstances that are ridiculous. 
        I remember the day where if the teacher threatened that they would call your parents it sparked fear in me, now if teachers say that, the student responds with laughing, and something like this "Call'em, the numbers ###-####," then the parent is called and they show up mad at the teacher for pulling them from work, which I question what work you could be doing that allowed you to get to the school house in five minutes still dressed in your cookie monster pajama pants, dingy white tank top and neon green flip flops and satin shower cap, keep in mind it's 2 PM, must be a laid back job, one of those stay at home- - -getting back on topic I'll  save that for another blog- - so the parent has been pulled from work and they blame the teacher for calling them about their child, when the actions that their child portrays at school they condone and allow at home are what cause the phone call to be made in the first place. What a way to point a finger, but since you feel like being childish I'll respond with a childish phrase, "Just remember he who points a finger has three pointing back at them."

P. S
Check out these hilarious videos about

What Students Say To Teachers vs What They Want To Say
What Teachers Say vs What Teachers WANT To Say (part 1)

So true LOL

God Bless, Thanks for readingCHECK OUT MY STORY BLOGSPOT

PUSH

Allow for a minute for yourself to be lost

Be broken shattered and in pieces

When the fires fully extinguished and you have no one and nothing left

When all you have left is a room with a window and silence an ashes

When you're so low you beg to differ if this is what God has allowed for your life

You question whether you'll live through it all to give a testimony to it

What is weight now? 

You've been holding up so much for so long that the boulder on your back is normal in comparison to the down pour of tears collecting in a pool at your feet

For a minute you stopped

You gave up a couple times but you didn't stay down for long

You don't understand your journey and you don't care anymore because all that you have left are theses four walls a roof and a floor

So you bend down close your eyes and you pray until something happens

You PUSH because everyone whoever cared about you is miles down the road 6 feet under 

And they're watching, they're rooting for you to stand to keep on because they know that the only reason you're going through so much is because some don't want you to win because they know that what's  at the end I this is so grand they don't want you to have it

So you PUSH

You may be here for hours and nothing, it could be days, months or even years and nothing 

But you PUSH

Because literally no ones going to do  it for you 

Look around, whose left?

No one 

So you must PUSH

If giving up is your game plan you better have another because that isn't an option for you

YOU BETTER PUSH!

Pray Until Something Happens

IF

Every negative thought

Turned into a positive thought

All mountains moved

All the wrongs in the world were made right

I had a nickel for

I'd be rich for

Being rich financially is overrated 

Being rich makes you happy so must loneliness

I had been given that life over there

Things were different

I could make logic out of this jacked world

I could find happiness

All joy was truly easy to come by like breathing

Man I forgot to say if

There's Something Else

There's something else

Don't know what it is, or when it's coming or how

But I know there is something else

So if everyday is mundane

And the challenges are few

Are we to be acceptant of that?

Does the mundane lead to the greatness that we're promised?

To me no

So I'm left believing that there's something else

I'll hold onto that glimmer of something else until I die, no matter how small it is

Because change doesn't come from mundane and normal

Change comes from suffering, letting your faith and spirt be stretched 

to its point of breaking, and sometimes being broken is the bulb of the something else that is planted deep in the ground and over time forms the roots necessary to make a stronger, better plant

So I'll be here waiting for that something else, and you can join me or not

On The Mend

If there's no other choice

If all there is left is the breath in your lungs

Then take that air and scream

Scream until you feel normal

Scream until you run out of air then take another breath

If there's another morning that you get to see

And you can see

Then gaze around and count the walls 

Don't blink too much don't pass by people, places and things without appropriately introducing yourself

Discover all that you weren't allowed to touch and touch it over and over until it's so familiar you feel it before you think

If your heart is broken but still beating

I came to tell you that you're not dead yet no matter what your mind thinks

So take that heart and it's broken parts and mend

It won't be over night, it's going to take years until you're fully adjusted

But you have to start somewhere 

You won't stay this way forever no matter what your head says

You mend

You mend through whatever it is that takes you out of yourself, if it worries you, sparks fear do it

Remember you're here for a purpose

One you'll never understand or know

But nothing can function broken at least not for long so mend 

Giving Thanks In All Places

Do you ever think about the opportunities that you did and didn't have?

The paths that others had versus yours?

        I like to believe that it's human nature to compare ourselves to one another, but lately I've been thinking about how if I had been given a different set of opportunities would I be further than I am? Better, smarter? Would I be as resilient, strong(minded/willed) as capable? It's just a question that I've been bouncing around in my head some? I guess I times I feel that a lot of involuntary situations ill affected my life, caused me to safely play the game of chess, be the pawn (Shouts out to sumofherparts blog) instead of having my own board? Caused me to be submissive instead of assertive and created a false masks that I've been upholding for years. It's easy to say that if my parents had more of this, and did this and blah blah blah, but I really do wonder how my life would have turned out if I hadn't of had to grow up so quickly experiencing loss so early in my childhood.
        I understand experiences are good and bad, either way we're supposed to learn from them, I get it, I know and understand it but my mind still wonders, wanders. Everyone's had there experiences with life, everyone's had there trauma's that's what makes us different, but I have to stand on my box and say not many can walk this walk that I do and still stand. I'm no conceded by any means but I know others would have lost there minds and completely shut down given my situation. Now yes, I've had my moments of collapse, literally and emotional, but saying that "Oh you're just going through a hard time, it will get better, pray on it" is not as comforting, and is more insulting to me than most would know. I say I perceive it as an insult for multiple reasons, one the source where those words come from, the lack of sincerity maybe, half the people that say those kind of things are usually as deep as a kiddie pool in the desert. To say I'm angered toward my life experiences is honest, and some may say but. . . . . . and ramble off all the good things, that's good for your optimist mind, but to the world I'm a pessimist, not a realist as I like to say, and my world is a different place than what the movies depict. It's a world where stability, trust, honesty and love are a figment of imagination. It's a world where if you're not careful realization will come and smack you around a couple times leaving you bruised and beaten and lost, crawling on your hands and knees, completely turned around and wondering if I could have changed that one period, stopped right and made the choice marked with a question mark then would where I am now be different?
        As for me I don't know, but I feel like that answer is leaning toward a yes. I don't fault anyone or anything I just understand and am thankful for the life I'm dealt, I'm thankful anyhow I just wonder what the other side of my life looks like.

See Ya, God Bless

WalNart

Does anyone else feel like going to WalMart is like planning to take down a drug cartel?

It's like you have to draw maps and start 2 months in advance and stake out the place and all this extra stuff just to go there.

I honestly feel like the Mission Impossible music is playing as soon as I park in the parking lot.

I have to have to get my mind right to enter into this battlefield  store. So much so that if I can't go through the 20 items or less item line I have to put something back because a completely filled up Cadillac cart scares me.

It's understandable that WalMart is a place built to sell us customers stuff at low prices and that's great, but is the extra crap that customers have to endure worth the low cost?

Should customers have to endure half empty soda bottles, or missing merchandise because the theft situation has reached an all time high?

Should customers have to endure the attitude of overworked, underpaid, mistreated employees who have horrible attitudes and snatch money and coupons from customers hands? (Real situation, didn't end well)


Why does it seem like WalMart should require a dressed for customers now? Well the lady with the low, boob cleavage showing dingy white tank top and faded low hanging cookie monster pajama pants who reeks of cigarette smoke evidently does not possess the sense to not leave her house like that, or what- - -does she frequent the Walmart so much that she lives there?

Either way WalMart is never going to coincide with words like, positive environment, fun, joyous, clean, safe, or nice, it's a portal that I'm pretty sure has a residence partially in hell.

So for now I'll be starting my search for my team to start planning for my future trip to WalMart, while my my list only includes 10 items I have to start planning now for August, wish me luck folks.


Stay Blessed, Peace

Croc Of Crap

So does anyone know what these are?

They're Crocs.Crocs Site

I've listened to people hate on these shoes so much currently, and the people that wear them.

Well if you're hating on the people that wear Crocs then YOU'RE HATING ON ME!

Let me smack you up real quick, just playing.

So why do people hate crocs, well obviously the people who hate on them have tried wearing them(DOUBT IT)

Oh they must spend 12 hours or more on there feet in work shoes or boots(NOPE)

Or you know what it must be they must have no arches in there foot which changes the entire way your body mechanics work and is extremely painful(NOPE)

Oh they must hate them because there unattractive(Your face is unattractive so you should cut that up and set that  on fire like you did the crocs)

The hate for crocs is deep for many, but for me it's a deep love.

I have over five pairs all different types, heels, sandals, sneakers, winter boots, clogs and all that, I can pretty much outfit any outfit with them. I love crocs because at my job I'm on my feet for 12-14 hours at a time, and I'm very athletic(running, biking, lifting) and while I wear the required footwear for each activity after or before I'm in

Yep, the hideous, dignity losing, comfort inducing Crocs.

I don't care if I'm judged for wearing these, my no arch feet, shorter right leg that causes me crippling pain on a regular basis but is eased with the help of Crocs thanks you. After working 13 hours having walked over 20 miles at my job in muck covered work sneakers I get in my car and put on these

I feel like I'm forgetting something, OH YEAH, for when I'm needing to have a bit of height, minus the pain of a stiletto or heel digging into my no arch foot and ever rolling ankles I rock these(I have them in brown as well)

So I guess it all boils down to 

Bye, God Bless

Have The Cake, Enjoy It

If I cry, yell and scream I should get my way, also I'm going to assume you have the mental make up of a 2 year old, unable to control your feelings or take the chastisement that you earned because you screwed up and refuse to take responsibility for it. But looking at you I clearly see you're an adult, with a bachelors degree so I'm ruling out the 2 year old make up thing. 

Slow clap for the people who follow the traits first stated that if I cry, yell and scream I should get my way, wrong or right, whoever is more visibly upset wins. That's the way it's looking nowadays. Or if I can justify my wrong it should be forgotten and forgiven(cough, cough) Rachel Dolezal(cough, cough). What does this anything goes mentality mean? To me it means chaos, it means that rules are pointless, and anarchy is bound to happen eventually. But it won't be the people who cry, yell and scream who are the anarchist, it will be the unsuspecting law abiding citizens that after continuous unfairness and being walked over take what's rightfully there's. So to all of those that use the crying, yelling, pouting, screaming tactics to get out of doing what is right, enjoy it now. Enjoy your freedom, enjoy the false rise to the top, but keep in mind the fall to the bottom is long, arduous and lonely. And to all the people who do what's right, the ones who fight their moral compass wanting do the same bad that others have done unto you but you have the "do right by others" bred into your DNA keep going, it will turn around. 

PSA: Thanks, You Just Stripped What Glimmer Of Hope I Had For Humanity Away, Almost

Public Sarcastic Announcement

Thank you customers, guest, and always right patrons👍 for confirming my suspicion of how humanity has been murdered after being kidnapped and held in solitary confinement. Thank you for prettying up you pettiness and letting it speak for you in its most regal of pajama pants and dirty old house shoes that all get to see as you waddle up to the counter because you have a complaint. Thank you marjuana shirted law abiding citizens for testing my knowledge on price checking so you can finally decide that the $1 you have isn't enough to make a purchase, thank you. Oh and can't forget you future customers, the lil ones who love being independent and going to the bathroom all by themselves only to crawl underneath the locked stall leaving it locked from the inside or splash water all over the mirror and the floors resulting in an elderly woman slipping. Oh yes the hours of incident reports are all from you and the pending lawsuit from her broken hip are owed to you too. Thank you the ever frequenting people who adore using there linguistic capabilities, specifically language enhancers that if written down would require uses of @$* and such, you definitely will get the best service from any establishment you go too as long as you can watch your food being made, otherwise your want of personal service may become very personal including the grill cooks DNA. And lastly thank you coworkers who are the best of the best, ever so skillful knife throwers who have targeted me on more than one occasion, thank you. 

(Removes knife from back and walks off)

   

(Returns takes a breath)

However I feel as if I'm forgetting some people, the regulars, not the I'm picky let me get a cheeseburger with no cheese but it's still a cheese burger regulars, I'm talking about the ones I know by just there voice, the ones who know the struggle of our work and are never a problem. These true blues are the real heroes of my day, they know what they want and when they ask you how your day is going they actually make eye contact with you and wait for an answer. They're the ones we call by name and want work extra hard for. The regulars who handle our difficult guest by saying to them what we can't(Shout out to Ms. Regina and Ms. Linda/they handle my light work lol)The ones that if we don't see you for a while we worry and have genuine adoration for. It's because of you regulars that I still have a glimmer of hope for humanity, and for that I honestly thank you.

Oh No That Item Has Been Discontinued

I don't know if anyone does a spending tracker on things like caring, patience, or things like that but I do. It's the end of the month so I've drained my care fund down to nothing and I'm thinking of taking the funds with which I would spend on patience and buying a new Coach bag because it's a better investment than people. Living the life we live is great for most, you build relationships with people, friendships but sometimes you grow apart. We all have different experiences and some are blessed with more good experiences, while others suffer and endure worse. That's what makes us who we are, but then we have the issue with who we believe ourselves to be, versus who we truly are, versus what we show to people, and then we round it out with people's perception of the person we show to them. I'll use work as an example, unless you're your own boss you can't possibly be yourself at work, if that was the case I would be quiet and work on my knitting, exercise, read and write all day, and watch Netflix but I can't do that because I can't be myself in my work environment. Think about it, how many people know the true you other than God? Now how many people know only what you want them to know, and how many people know you based on the person you've had to become to survive? It's great to be free and live life but if only it were truly as easy as it sounds. And maybe for some it is that easy, but for the other percent that wake up each morning surviving and not living I commend you. I used to live a life where I lived to pacify others, I actually enjoyed people, but us---- human beings are such horrid creatures more than they are pleasant ones. It's an ugly truth that I think we all hide, even your generous and cheerful of people have an unpleasantness. I don't know when we as a society changed to being so lazy, stupid, and hateful? It makes me not trust anyone because from what I've seen everyone has a hidden agenda or use you to get to the top themselves, more concerned with there own personal pleasures and joys than the persons with which they suck dry and use to build there own power. No one wants to hear the negativity, or be labeled a pessimist but we don't live in the times of positivity anymore. And maybe the fact that we faked that positivity and sweep negativity, and truth under the rug so much has caused the destructive society we have today Just look at the news, any act of kindness now is spotlighted in the media like its so great, how about taking it as something you should do since you should be a good person to all people, but oh yeah we don't live in that world anymore, my bad. Now I'll admit that I'm a bit jealous of most peoples lives because they seem to have had a lot more freedom than I have had. I'll take the blame that I structure my life because I know my life and how it works (I wrote a blog about it) and it's left little room for pleasures or joys living in that box, but it's kept me pretty level considering. I watch people walk around aimlessly, stupid, unaware taking more time to decide on what they want to eat than they do about more serious matters such as where the better schools are for they children so they can receive the best education. I read an article about the psychology people who hate people, it's called misanthropy

Commercial  break

Misanthropy the general hatred, distrust, or disdain, of the human species or human nature.

End of commercial break

The article explained a lot about people who hate people, it's not so much of they hate people but it's deeper than that. CHECK OUT THE ARTICLE!!! It's a bit more personally based than a generalization. As I've said before I used to like people but that view has changed tremendously for me, because I have such a high standard for the people I surround myself with that only the elite survive. I also have to add my short or lack there of level of tolerance for people, I'll admit I've spent the money I would have bought more tolerance with on MMA fighting gloves but that's besides the point. What I'm saying is the items that more people are wanting from me lately have been discontinued, it's the special brand that I used to use and now I can't find it anywhere, so please read the caution before discussing stupid stuff with me, because you will either receive a vague response, a thumbs up emoji, silence and a side eye.

That is all, lol.

Pretty Hurts

Let's be honest, not everyone is extremely attractive, to each it's own but some men and women are gorgeous. Truth be told I believe self esteem is built from within one's self not by the acceptance of others. But today I'll be discussing how being pretty sucks. 

For those of you who fall into the bornbeautifulIwokeuplikethis#flawless category, good for you, but it sucks sometimes doesn't it?

I was talking with a friend who falls into this said category and after listening I summed up all she had said in one response. "I hate to say this, but that's the cost of being pretty." Her response was "I really does, it sucks." This friends not only pretty, but she has a very extroverted, cheerful, peppy personality to add to her beauty. But if it's the beauty that people see first and they struggle to get past that, what's the point? It's a struggle for my friend to date because most men are attracted to her based solely on her physical and ignore her personality, or when she does dive into a relationship she finds that the men she's with become infatuated with her and controlling of her because of the fear of her leaving them. She described it saying that in these men's minds she's going to always' be able to do better than them and the anxiety of losing her to other men leads them to become a bit crazy. While I would said that if a man is that fearful of losing you, he's insecure anyway, but I can't, because I haven't really had that issue. 

Aside from relationship struggles, theres the personal issue of my friend not being able to be herself because of her beauty. When she said this I was confused? But she explained to me that at times she's had to take a step down from being herself, for example not being as peppy to remove attention that she didn't want from people including women who for some reason(insecurity) didn't like her because of her beauty and personality. This friend has spoken to me about her life experiences and she's had a hard life and survived it all, but most people wouldn't even know that because they're basing there view of her on her beauty versus getting to know her. I used to think like those same people when I was younger, "If you're pretty you have it all." But in all actuality its just another side of the coin with it's own set of issues, it's own set of struggles. 

What it boils down to is acceptance. Why should people have to dilute themselves to accommodate others, or change who they are because they're fighting for the same acceptance that the introverted depressed person is? It's a surprising view and one that isn't talked about enough. 

Be blessed.

I Lick The Glass Of Your Life

A must be nice

Wonder what that life is like

My life is nothing quite

Like the picture I see of your L-I-F-E

But these windows taste alright
Like warmth, trust, strain and strife
Must be nice to be in a position of security
I wonder what that's like?
So I lick the glass of your life
Seeing into it, tasting the mix of love and compassion
Better than my own glass,
jagged and shattered, tasteless and bitter
Just pieces to a whole
The aftermath of destruction that has severely taken
a toll
My breath fogs up my view at times and
the coolness of the glass feels nice against my skin
sending chills all over my body
With my eyes darting back and forth as I watch
your life play out I question is that what life is like?
The comfort, the joys, the highs, the lows, the peaks,
the valleys, the support?
I don't know that normal, I don't know that life
So as my eyes droop and close, I fall asleep and dream
awaiting to tune into another one of your life episodes

#LITR

        You know sometimes how you get in a mood? Like you feel extra happy or mopey or just blah? Well I would like to call my mood the LITR (life is too real) mood. It's when you realize that your personal life is somehow reached a pinnacle of realness that you never would have thought it would be. Some King of the world, Titanic type stuff, which makes it hard to share how I'm doing with people when they ask. If people knew how the simple phrase of "How are you?" affects me they wouldn't ask it. My response is usually a quick stern "Fine" or "Doing alright, I can't complain" but before those words leave my mouth or get typed out by my fingers in a text message there's a strain, an extra pain that I experience because I feel the pressure to be my usually brutally honest self, but I would be risking a lot. What would I be risking? Usually it's a choice between pissing off the person I'm talking too by wanting to say "Why would you ask me that, when you don't even care, and you're just being nosy to use my response for gossip?" or it's "I wish I could tell you the truth, but I don't trust you completely yet" or "You have a great life, I don't want to burden it, so I'm doing FANTASTIC (Draws an imaginary rainbow)". Do you ever feel that your life is too real for yourself and bringing a 3rd party into the equation could cause all the plates you have balance on sticks and spinning to come tumbling to the ground? That's how I feel sometimes.

Have a good day!!!!
God Bless


Check out my story spot
http://ciderasstories.blogspot.com

Are You For Real Man?

When I run into people I went to school with usually they're doing well, but every once in a while I hit a head on collision with the one's who have physically changed and mentally stayed the same. The other day while at work I ran into a high school classmate that I used to be friends with my freshmen and sophomore year. He looked older, super older, like aged far beyond where he should be. But he came in looking for a job, which was cool I'm down to try to help any body looking for a job, but as I started to talk to him I realized that he still has a do nothing, I'm too good for this mentality. He didn't sound like a person who needed a job, more so like his arrogant freshmen self. Are you serious man, has your mentality not changed at all? Have you not grown up? It took all that was in me to keep it professional because honestly he needed to be told the honest truth of why he's probably jobless in the first place. If you've never come to a place of being jobless or down on your luck in life you can't understand how it will humble you(I've been there). That every little ounce of pride that we hold onto and cloak ourselves in isn't for others it's for ourselves, it's self denial. It's pride that makes arrogance and it's pride that will keep you in the same broke state you're in while arrogance prances around like its big and bad while your true self shudders in the corner thin, frail, an dried up. That classmate didn't get the job, he unfortunately denied by the company. But honestly I don't think he would have stayed that long if he had gotten the job let alone had a good or even decent work ethic about working the job period because he's still the same arrogant little boy he was in highschool. 

Have To Love School Rules

      You mean to tell me because she kept her kid at home from school because he was sick with the symptoms on the list you sent home with him that specifically say do not come to school if you have these symptoms, she's going to jail?

Are you serious?

Truancy

nounthe action of staying away from school without good reason; absenteeism."he had a history of truancy and expulsion from school"

      This is a law in some states where parents are held responsible to make sure there children attend school, and if they miss more than an certain amount of days the parents can be jailed. Okay the law is important for the parents who could careless about whether are not there kids make it to school or not. But in the situation I'm discussing the parent has not sent their child to school based on the fact that they had symptoms that matched the illnesses listed on the school list that states for the parent to not allow there children to attend school. Also the illnesses all have doctors notes (but anyone can get a doctors note nowadays) but the counselor says none of the absences will be excused. Okay I get the fact that children missing school effects their learning, "learning" which today may mean a 45 minute period where the movie Sandlot is played, or busy work is given out after the teacher does 20 minutes of active teaching which may be showing a couple of meaningless powerpoint slides. Honestly I feel the prolonged time wasted in 11th and 12th grade is an insult to injury but that's another blog, but I mean this parent was following the rules they thought, now they're being punished for them? If you're child not showing up to school because they're sick is such a problem why aren't the parents of horrible, violent, trouble making children arrested? If your child is running around bitting, kicking, cursing, hitting, and threatening classmates and staff why can't you be held responsible for there horrible actions? To me it's only far. But often in the situations of troublesome children they have some kind of file on them that justifies there inability to act like they have some sense. Oh how I love the justifiable wrong in the world that say's my child is no different when they're picked on and made fun of, but oh when they act up it's all about separating them from every other child because they have insert socially acceptable medical condition so there. The parent facing jail time is a decent parent they live there life based on there kids and actually try, so jail them? Yes, take away the only productive parent the children have while the parent of little Suzy Q is free and clear and bringing Suzy Q to school everyday ahead of schedule so she can start her cussing, fighting, bitting ways early and her parent can return home and have her me time, although she's not currently employed and most of the time Suzy Q is with her grandmother, I guess mommy needs her me time. 

1. 
   

This Is Just A Test

This is just a test.
Sometimes in life I feel like every single step I take is one that I study really hard for all the materials and then I show up and everything on the test is different material so all the hard work I did was pointless.  Honestly, life is like that sometimes. I ask myself if i knew before I was born all that I would have to endure and live with up until now would I have still gone through with it? I don't really know how to answer that, it's kind of like Jesus, he knew he was coming to die for the sins of others and endured until the end, I don't know. I do know that there's a reason for all good and bad, but the reason we may not ever get to see or understand. So recently I've been trying to decide if I should continue studying for a test that I inevitable know is going to be switched with no notice and I won't be prepared for. Isn't having the information for later helpful, but what if I never use it, what's the point? (Cue heavy sigh) I'm just going to hit the book harder I guess and try to navigate this life, and at least get a C on these test. 

Check out my fan fictions
http://ciderasstories.blogspot.com/2015/04/4.html

Oh Because You Know Me So Well?

Hm, uh uh, well let's go ahead and put this out there. 

Have you ever experienced judgements from people who are dead on about who you are? Okay, now have you ever experienced judgements from people who think they know you and are completely wrong? Okay, I'll be blogging about the later. 

Situation is a person made some comments about me that they believe are true when in fact are completely false, this person is of course a complete scholar(taste the sarcasm) and has known me inside one environment for a total of 1 week.

Yes people it's possible to learn everything their is to know about someone in an structured environment and in one week. Forget about all the psychomumbojumbo about human complexity and such just base it on this persons reasoning. Here's the reasoning are you ready? "Your face says' it all" okay I'll give it to you Dr. I Can Read Non Verbal Cues, but that really doesn't work for me when my resting face is what you consider my "angry face". I'm not running around with a fake smile plastered on my face sorry. Not only do you have me pegged that I'm always mad, but I hate everyone. I don't hate everyone, the majority or people are just annoying like you and like to try to pry into people like you deserve to know it all. 

You don't. 

Secondly, I'm not always mad but the fact that you can't do easy mundane task like sign where the bright red X is on a piece of paper is really irrating and causes me to dive further into giving up on mankinds ability to have critical thinking skills. Or have the knowledge and understanding to not touch hot items with your bare hands. But you're a scholar, and your thinking is so heightened that perhaps you can't be troubled to recall the basics of such a behind world?  I don't know, but I know that in a week we became best friends and although I know nothing about you, you some how used your amazon prime account to rush ship the book on me. And judging by your avid use of urban dictionary words and twerking jargon I believe that you indeed did complete the entire book in a week. Good job, you get a gold star. 

No Ones Invincible Enough For God

People behaving badly, insanely badly, like you have to ask around to see if you're possibly getting punk'd bad.

      Recently I was eating out and watched a man head to the front counter with his food, place the tray down and remove his food from his plate, placing it on the counter, Saying it was cold, and he wanted new food. Now this guy was tall, tattooed, Mr. I think I'm macho nacho, when in all actuality your mucho crazo, stupid, douchebago, just to name a couple of names. I watched the situation unfold in awe, and unbelief. First I thought, is he for real? Second, is he for real, for real? And third, this can not be for real? How can a grown man, an ad- dult act in such a childish manner over fast food that is mediocre at best and that's being nice. I expect such acts to come from children, not adults. But it's a constant thing I  think, if I get in my feelings enough and yell and scream mommy will come and give me what I want. Or is it the I think I'm invincible so I can do, say, and act how I want to without fear of repercussions. Here's another instance of people behaving badly, a woman throwing her food back at a fast food worker because it was cold. First of all what she did was assault, second of all . . . . . .it's fast-food. If cold fries causes you to assault someone I would hate to see how you act in more serious situations. Where are you coming from people where you think you can just get off with mistreating, belittling, assaulting, and demeaning others? Are you thinking in your little shallow kiddy pool mind that you won't have to pay for your actions? Let me allow you to understand something, and take note. . . . you will, eventually. If God allowed Job to be messed with by Satan himself, and Job did nothing, but be a stand up man of God, if God sent himself down 40 some generations with a  destiny to die, and he never sinned, then you for surely will pay, and reap it, I promise, because not one of us on this earth can stand toe to toe with God and be invincible, we're talking about the man who creates us and ends us. HELLO

So the next you're mad because McDonalds gave you cold fries or you had to wait on your food for a long time think about this. What if my wait saved me from the 10 car pile up that happened on the highway I would have been on if I had just gotten my food right away. And honestly fast food is not going to be 5 star etiquette, or product, it's frozen garage you could have gone to the frozen food isle of the grocery store and purchased. There's no need to over react over something so petty, evaluate the situation and give the response accordingly, unless you like to be considered a stupid idiot by onlookers or have your food tampered with (it happens y'all), just be nice, and keep it moving. 


Check out my fan fiction post going on at http://ciderasstories.blogspot.com

What Do I Have To Show For It

First allow me to start off with this, everyone has opportunities in life, some just have the life beat out of them so much by life that they settle, some have been raked across the coals so much that they don't have anything left, some are too caught up in the false reality they see on tv, and some are just too lazy.  Now not everyone has the same opportunities but everyone has opportunities, speaking with a man in his late 20's I discussed with him his life a bit. I've known the young man for a year and watched him remain in the same position of working a minimum wage job, being bullied by his baby momma, mother in-law, and support his kids. A year ago the young man was deep into alcoholism, but of course he saw it as no big deal since he only did it on the weekend. Yeah that's alright, nothing against having a break and taking back a few, but it's coming through your pores bro and it's clear from your bloodshot eyes that you're still heavily intoxicated. There were many days I thanked God he had no vehicle when I saw him drunk, things could have gotten real serious then. But back to the young man today, he's cut way back on the drinking, but he's still living the same life as he was last year. I can't stand it when people accept there existence on earth as enough. I didn't grow up with major motivation or support, but somehow I guess I figured that I would have to motivate myself. 

The young man and I started to talk and I began to ask him about what he was planning to do with his life? I will not lie, what I said may sound harsh, but nobody else is asking him these questions, no one else gives a crap about this young man, they would much rather be acceptant of his stationary existence in life. One of my church brothers met this young man, and when I see him he's asked about him on many occasions, and what do I have to say? I say "He's still doing the same old thing." It's not to say he has no way to do better, because he's intelligent, he just does dumb stuff. We discussed school, and his claim was he had tried it and didn't like his classes and was waiting to decide what he wanted to do. Okay, so in the mean time why not go learn a trade for something, get a certification and start working a real job? The financial aid assistance program helps so many people, it's great, and he can get help, but he'd rather sulk in his depression. Throughout our conversation the young man kept saying I'm just trying to take care of my kids, okay good. I love a father whose willing to take care of his children, but I posed a question to him- - - - - -what if something happens to you? He didn't have an answer to that, but tears filled his eyes. The next answer I received from him was, they would be taken care of, me being around really doesn't seem to matter to anyone. 

(Pause) Yeah, the truth comes out. Remember when I said some just have the life beat out of them so much by life that they settle, some have been raked across the coals so much that they don't have anything left. That's where this young mans situation is at, and unfortunately he's not surrounded by many people who are going to speak up about how he's living(Play)

BUT I WILL. I can't sit by and watch someone who has the potential to be great lay by the river that can heal them and be too comsumed by depression to roll themselves in. I hope you can swim dude because I'm pushing you, pulling you kicking and screaming into this river. I wasn't asking him to jump up to it today but I did push the issue of looking into going back to school, he's almost thirty, and the time we have left on this earth is not as long as we suspect it, to still be deciding on what we want in life. And besides what we want sometimes isn't what we need. Most people are in a job that they despise so they can afford to live comfortably, or have a stable income, or to support what they real would rather be doing not many people love what they do, jobs like that take time(hence the reason I'm going back to school). The discussion was about and hour long, but at the end I asked him with the life he was living currently what did he have to show for it? His response was a shrug. He's been broken, his past is horrible to say the least, but I'm beginning to realize that brokenness is part involuntary and part acceptance. I will a accept being broken, but I don't have to accept staying that way.

Some Can't. But Some Try.

I'm in a position that allows me to work with young adults. I've been the listening ear to many of there life troubles but the conversation  with which I'm going to speak on today is one that has a pretty deep hurt and pain to it. I've lived a very different life from most, with a lot of tragedy and pain in my childhood years, young adult years, up until now. The young lady I was speaking with is still in her teenage years but she's experienced some things in her life that not many young children have had too. Now let me be clear this young woman did nothing to cause her circumstances to be as they are but it was in God's plan, his will. But anyways lately she's been feeling used by her "friends and family" and is frustrated by it. Her issue to me is she's still trying to find true friends, an at her age it's normal to still feel the people around you help define your level of esteem, acceptance and all that. As I was listening to her I was brought back to how I was when I was her age. I used to be overly nice, a self sacrificing people pleaser. (In the words of one of my bestfriend "that girl doesn't exist anymore I killed her", just playing I'm still nice just not that much of a people pleaser or self sacrifing). But back to the conversation I was having with this girl, she's becoming more and more angered by the misusing of her time and love. I don't know why but I heard more of "I just don't want to be alone" in what she was saying then what she actually was saying. After listening to her I started off by saying "I hate to tell you this but........"

I've just started to realize, and I've said it before perhaps in a previous blog I find it hard to personally relate to people because most people I'm in contact with on a daily basis have no depth. They've live through I screwed up, made my own ant infested bed now I have to lie in it life. God willed situations are different, they're uncontrollable, almost life ruining, breathtaking, heart breaking and glory defining. But I had to explain to her that sadly there's a possibility that as you grow up you're going to find it harder and harder to relate to people your age.

1. Because most teenagers her age are living with at least one parent, they have that parental security and support.

2. They won't be able to relate the way with which you would like, especially when they start asking questions that to them should be easy to answer. But to you conjure up deep rooted hatred and anxiety making you defensive.

3. They won't give you the reaction you want, and may offend you but not purposefully, it's not their fault they just can't go that deep with you when they themselves are as deep as a kiddy pool in the desert. 

It's sad but true, I don't want to see anyone turn bitter,especially at an early age and the girls a sweetheart but I had I tell her the truth. Some people are not going to be able to understand you, but that's not to say that you don't get to secure yourself off without ever giving them a chance to try. 

Beginning, Middle and End

We're born
We grow
We learn
We fail
We succeed
We grow
We learn
We fail
We struggle
We succeed
We win little
We lose lot's
We grow
We learn
We fail
We fail
We fail
We fail
We struggle
We struggle
We struggle
We grow
We settle
We succeed
We rise
We die
We rise
We rest
We find peace

Nawwwwwwwwwwww, uh uh

Sometimes Facebook is too much.
Sometimes people take too much of their business and put it up there.
But when people take other peoples business and put it on Facebook that's a bit insensitive and annoying to me.
I don't need people to put any info about my personal life on Facebook, if people gave a crap about what's going on  my my life they would text message or perhaps a call (not really, I hate talking on the phone). But I'm tired of people who feel like they are entitled to my life posting things about me or my family on Facebook pretending to deep, pretending to be ''reborn", PRETENDING. You are as deep as kiddy in the desert, save your sympathy, empathy, pretendathy(see what I did there, put pretend and sympathy together lol) for the people that still believe in your fake self. Yes I get that people can change, but no, not for the people I know, and I know these folks very well, YOU'RE FAKE! I'm just so appalled by how people can feel so deeply like it's there life, like they have to feel more feels than you, SOME OF Y'ALL NEED TO GET OFF THAT DRAKE MESS RIGHT NOW! How- -what - - -like you're so overwhelmed with emotions? Please stop, just stop pretending, and get your life together and leave mine off of Facebook, just stop.

Put honestly, I'm not even mad.

Trust

Believe that everyone has a story

That the journey of life is where God takes you through battles, wars,  and afflictions to bring you to who he wants you to become

At times it may seem like he wants you to become a bitter, angry person, but that is only a part of it

The road traveled by a person employed by God is not easy, and a lot of times there is no kind of financial reimbursement 

But in the end it's worth it

No his way is not understandable, at times it's completely screwed up to our human eyes, unfair, and it can lead you to believe that the God you serve really doesn't care

But he does, he promised he would never leave or forsake us

So when life is riddled with more trenches than valleys

And good days are few

Trust in Gods production of your story

And he'll bring you through 

Do You Want Chaos or Structure?

Seems like we can't figure out if we as people want structure or chaos. From the most simplistic of structures such as work place policies to more heavy issues such as murdering someone. Speed limit signs are in place so that there's a modicum of safety while we drive around 1000 ton vehicles that are really not as safe as we believe. Who obeys a speed limit sign? (Uh huh)

Not many, most push the limit 3-5 mph more than what is listed. So what if we removed speed limit signs? No one pays any attention to them anyway, let people make their own intelligent, scholar, future genius' (taste the sarcasm)of the world decisions on what speed they should go. 

Yes Suzy can choose to rev her car to 50 mph in a residential area and perhaps hit a child, post man, basically kill someone because it should be her choice right? This is the chaos that would happen, more accidents, more death, chaos. But we don't want to be controlled, bossed around, I should have freedom.

Hate to break it to you "freedom fighter" but  freedom without rules and regulations, some kind of structure is anarchy. And we all know how that show ended with Jack's killing everyone and riding his motorcycle into the front of a semi. (Son's of Anarchy reference lol)

I'm just saying the small amount of rules that we don't follow are not as small or irrelevant as we believe, they're important. And no matter how stupid or mundane we believe them to be they could progress to something horrible. So just try to follow da rules.(lol)

Whine Much

There's an epidemic y'all it's sweeping the nation. The epidemic of whining. I usually wake up each morning and start my routine but I was awoken by multiple text messages from a whiner. First of all everyone who knows me knows I'm the type of person to suck it up and soldier on sick, death in the family, cuts and bruises, sore and all. To be honest my body is riddled with pain constantly and I have my own personal issues but I soldier on. Now I will add that I know what you're saying "Not everyone can be like you" and blah blah blah, but I'm not asking that, what I'm asking is for people to stop whining. And if you are going to whine let the situation be one of involuntary cause, most whiners have voluntarily caused the situation they are whining about. Therefore if you brought it on yourself, shut up about and be big girls and big boys about it and don't whine to get sympathy, especially not from me. But back to the text message I received this morning, the person is legitimately ill and was whining about how they had no more days left at school to miss and they're so ill. Background on this person they're a bit dramatic and flighty so it's no surprise that they call me whining. What irritated me is that they woke me up for their whining drabble. What am I supposed to say? Mind you my direct reaction was "I DONT CARE" very insensitive I know, it won't be the first time I hear that about myself, but the school part and not having enough days to miss really got me. Why don't you have days left? Maybe it's because you decided to skip school could that be it (yup)? Or maybe you've accumulated so many tardies that they turned into absences (yup)? (On baby voice)Or maybe it's because you work long hours have to do homework and go to school full time and do laundry and-----"THAT'S WHAT BEING AN ADULT IS!"   

So moral of the story is I don't care about your whining when the situation you're whining about you caused and overlook your involvement in. Make better decisions and stop whining. 

P.s. I should have known it was a whining text message because the person never messages me that early unless they want something. Smh

This Weather

This storm

The rain

A drought

Sunny

Overcast

Cloudy

Fair

Unfair

Cold

Sizzling hot

Snow

Ice

Sleet

Windy

Humid

PSA: You Matter

Matter
Science has it's definition
Well I have mine
Matter is personal, 
an to each it's own
Matter is a feel
a voice that is loud or silent
I myself struggle with matter, if I matter, you matter, she, he matter

A lady in my gym class whose going through a health struggle that has knocked her down a lot came to me and said "I love to see you in class because you dance around and it makes me feel like I'm not the only one looking weird when I dance." Another lady said that she missed me last week because I usually keep her on track with the moves. It surprised me because I go to the gym for my own love of it, but I guess I really do enjoy the like minded people as well and the advice that I receive from the people who most of the time all I know if there first name. I guess I just never thought that I matter a little bit which has caused me to take a serious look at my life and what matters to me. I've been caught up in existing, surviving rather than living because nothing seems to matter, but in all actuality is truly does. There's a reason that we wake up each morning and are allowed to live while other's pass on. It's because God knows we matter, it's the fault of us as people that causes that view of matter to become less, more, or nonexistent. 

Matter
God believes you do
And someone else does too.

If You're Going To Lie

Recently folks have been lying to me a lot. People at my job, family, etc. Why you gotta lie Craig? Lol

I'm the type of person who can take the truth, no matter how ugly, painful, and life destroying it may be, please just tell me. Yesterday I'll be honest I was about 2 seconds from going and confronting a person but I'm not trying to go jail, trying to stay saved lol. But I'm struggling with watching the liars, deceiving, crooked individuals rise to the top. Now from the spiritual stand point these same people are not truly getting by, but I'm a bit perturbed about lying people getting by and I'm supposed to sit by and not say a thing. But I'll guess I'll just staying siting by and let the Lord have his way for now. 

All My Friends Are Gone.

Shout out to the two friends I'm talking about in the pic up above, only you'll understand the pics.

You spend your life building relationships, personal ones, romantic ones, business ones an etc. But I'll be talking about friendship. Along the way you pick up and hold onto, the few, the chosen, the ride or die friends who have your back. I have two for sure and a couple others and it's funny how our friendship, sisterhood started. For one our friendship started because our best friends at the time didn't want to be friends with us so we started hanging out. For my other friend it was more like we met up and it just happened. But there are two who have had my back for nearly a decade now and have never let me down. The two beautiful women I speak of have invited me into there families and there lives. They're the ones that even when we fight(And we have gone at it before) we can move on without loss of respect. I'm thankful for my j2's because although they may live across the country or state and I may only see them once or twice a year I still feel the same around them. I'm sure you can understand the feeling you have around your besties, right? It's like you pick up right where you left off even though it's been years, there is no fear of saying the wrong thing,oh and you don't have to worry about being used(that blogs coming for all the people who have become a person of means and convience for others instead of an actual friend). So lately I've found myself in a predicament, ALL MY FRIENDS ARE GONNNNNE, THEY'RE ALL GONNNNNNNE! (Faints on fainting couch) WHY!

Okay I'm good(Smooths hair adjust clothes and takes a deep breath)

It's just frustrating when you would love to go chill with your friends and you realize oh yeah they're all gone. So here's what I have to do and it's annoying to me but (pause for effect) I have to make- - makenewfriends. There I said it. I know meeting new people is fun and cool and you never know who you'll click with but it's a lot of work investing in people. This is going to sound really negative but it's proved true for me. 

(Pause for effect)

People suck. Naw I'm playing not all people suck just most, sorry not most but the majority, dang it I'm sorry again. 

Let me start over. 

People suck sometimes and I guess I take some of the blame for allowing people to use our one sided relationship for there good. But hey an experience is an experience no matter how good or bad and I'm learning from them. On the flip side if I never give people a chance I'll be missing out. 

The good side of having all my friends living elsewhere is I GET TO VISIT! 

On a final note I'm thankful for the friends I have but it's just something about your ride or die friends. There's very few people in my inner circle. There's a difference between being the friend with the bail money versus being the friend sitting beside me in the cell. Where will you take a seat? 

Love you all. Share this with your besties.

Response Blog

This is a response blog to Learning how to play the “GAME” Posted by Sum Of Her Parts

When I read her blog I quickly realized that I was a pawn piece on other peoples chessboards and my own chessboard was on back order. Yup that's what happens when you order offline. Lol

Now for an English lesson. 

pawn

\ˈpȯn, ˈpän\

noun

• 1 : one of the chessmen of least valuehaving the power to move onlyforward ordinarily one square at atime, to capture only diagonallyforward, and to be promoted to anypiece except a king upon reaching the eighth rank
• 2 : one that can be used to further the purposes of another

Origin: Middle English pown, fromAnglo-French peoun, paun, fromMedieval Latin pedon-, pedo footsoldier, from Latin ped-, pes foot —more at foot.

First use: 14th century

Synonyms: hock, pledge

Okay back to what I was saying, I underlined the definition I fell underneath on a regular basis. For a while I was oblivious to the fact that I was merely a pawn transitioning to other pieces believing that eventually I would be something more like a queen or a bishop but nope I was only a pawn. I didn't really understand that I had to acquire my own board and pieces and start my own game until recently, but I have retired all my pawns into an old shoe box and lit it on fire. Life truly is like playing chess and each one if us is striving to capture that something. Whether it's something worldly such as money or spiritually like gaining a closer walk with God, we're all on this board but some of us are placed in positions with only one choice that does not allow for flexibility. When I reference myself as being a pawn on many peoples board I'm assuming all responsibility for playing that piece. I went along with continuously being misused, lied on, ignored, demeaned and all that. But now? Now it's a different season, a new board with its new newness scent, smelling all good lol. I know I'm not the only one whose been a pawn, but I know that in chess there's more than one round. So I'll see you at the next meet.